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April 28, 2010

2 is better than 1?

Well...I'm so fucking adore this photo so much. Nice shot, isn't it? What do you think? For me, I love that yellow T-shirt girl so much. She's so freaking cool. But i know maybe some of you would think that this is just a piece of bull shit. And some of you might think that this girl is so unfaithful. But hey!! It can happen in two situations.

1st situation: Okay...that guy in gray t-shirt is that girl's official boyfriend. She loves him so much and she's like giving everything just to please that guy. Although that guy always break her heart, I think like hundreds time...well maybe...but it wasn't a big deal at all. Because why? She loves him and that's the fact that nobody can change. As time goes by, her beloved boyfriend starts to change. He seems like doesn't care about her feeling anymore. Well maybe he's busy with his career. But...come on...always be there for the one that we love is not a difficult thing at all. Well..at least you could be a good listener. And the girl lost her shoulder to cry on- to share her feeling of happiness and sadness. Then that girl met with that guy in a white T-shirt. She knew that she doesn't have any feeling for that guy. But that guy is so caring and always being a good listener to this girl. She starts to share whatever she feels with that guy and he fulfills her desires by giving so much attention to her. And surprisingly, that girl started to love that white-T guy. But not as much as she loves her boyfriend. Or maybe that girl assumed that white-T guy as her very special best friend and she doesn't want to loose him.

2nd situation: That girl is really a two-timer. Maybe dia seorang yang sangat tamak...kot.

Well...what do you think?

Hugs and Kisses,

April 27, 2010


Sorry sunshines. It seems like "my room" is under-construction. Lots of things to be fixed. I promise to finish this make-over-thingy as soon as possible.

Hugs and Kisses,

April 24, 2010


Owh, Cikmai sepatutnya tekun membaca buku sekarang ini. Tapi mood semacam tidak mahu ada.
Topic hari ini ialah "WHY?" or in malay "KENAPA?"
Kenapa lelaki susah untuk menunaikan janji? Kenapa lelaki suka berjanji even dia tahu dia tak mungkin able to make it?

Huh~Makin bertambah benci saya pada guys.

Okay..have to study.

Till then. Assalamualaikum.

April 23, 2010

2nd Confession

I just can't hide it..and I can't lie to myself anymore....

내가 너무나 사랑

April 22, 2010

It's library, duh!

I don't have anything specific to say right now. It just that I really want to be with him. It's been months since our last meeting. Huh~ Sucks!

By the way, I'm at library right now. But I feel like I am at a shopping mall. I just don't understand why those people cannot stop talking. Hello!! It's library, for God's sake. People go to the library because they need a quite little place to study and read books. Not to make noise. Oh..come on....You are not a little child anymore.

You can just walk away from here if you cannot stop talking, Miss Chatterbox! Or should I show you the door?

April 21, 2010


Remember on my previous entry I was in doubt whether to confess about something or not? Well I think I'm ready to confess and share it with all of you.

When I first got the news around 2007, it hit me loud and clear...unexpected...unexplained. Although I was afraid, I never once questioned why. The reasons didn't matter...they never will. Survival was the only challenge of any importance - the chance for me to achieve all my dreams. When people hear of illness, they think of the flu or a common cold. I still wonder why this burden rests upon my shoulders...curious if I'm strong enough to face it. Deep down, I'm a believer in the old adage - God only hands you that which He knows you can bare...now I have to find the strength and courage to move forward.

I walk this earth in my own little bubble...unwilling to let many know what am I facing...not wanting to listen to their sympathy. That is something I wish to be saved for if I'm gone- provide the sympathy and compassion to my family...to the man I love...when they will need it the most. *Hey, my family don't know about this. And you have to keep this from them. Please promise me. *Well.....None of us are destined to be here forever..and I accept that. Why? Because I have no other choice.

I still remember clearly what the doctor said to me :" Your kidneys are tricky little things..You can live with one..and you can't live with none. My left kidney was 25% damaged in 2007. Having only one kidney that can function well, I'm always cautious...scared. Now it's getting more painful. But I try everything to save my kidney. I don't want to see a doctor as doctor knows everything. I just pray and hope that it won't be worst as I'm afraid of dialysis and I'm afraid of letting it go...err...never thought I'd hear that one. Sooner or later, if that's what they say..then so it be. One thing I refuse to let go of is my optimism...maybe one day a cure will be found. I strongly believed that. It may not happen in my lifetime, as long as it eventually happens...I'll be happy. I don't want anyone to suffer the way I do...I don't want any more tears shed...no more lives lost.

However...I'm thankful as there are people out there who suffer more than I do. And I have to take care of my health and live like others. Never did I feel unhappy for what had happened. Because I know that I can sum up my life with three words. It goes on.


April 20, 2010

Saying Goodbye - Part 1

First of all I dedicated this entry to all my Sunshines who keep on reading and supporting my blog and also especially for him. Perhaps, this is going to be a long entry too. I guess this is my unofficial goodbye to all my dearest readers. Now, it's like everyone is talking about this "posting issue" which had put me into a mixed of feelings- sad, nervous, curious, afraid, happy and worried. For your information, I will be posted on this coming July so I guess I have no time to go and meet each one of you just to say goodbye. I will be busy with my exam this coming May and on June I have to finish all the Government courses. You know what it means? Yes. The time is running up. Oh yes, where am I going to be posted, let it remains as a secret. But I can tell you that I'm going to place where people are still using boat as their main transport. And you will be like so damn lucky if you can use your cell phone there.

For me, goodbye means everything. There is nothing in the world like saying goodbye. The sadness that comes with it is like no other, but the hope that comes with it as well - the hope that this is not a last goodbye. The hope that keeps us going, keeps our heads high as we wait for the next time..well if that next time comes, of course.

I know some of you might think that saying goodbye is such a big deal, probably because you have never had to do so. Friends have come and gone ever since I was a little. At a very young age, I was introduced to this sadness of saying goodbye. I still remember vividly the moment of saying goodbye to my very best friend. She moved to London and I hugged her tightly and I wish I could never let her go but I had to. Well, I could say that goodbye became a very real to me. Some people have never felt this realness before, and some may never experience it. But for me...I do.

This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is definitely not a good thing either. Goodbyes are apart of my life, much like meeting new people. Throughout my life, people come in and go out..and it’s natural. My life has been filled with saying goodbyes, a lot of them to my close friends. Sometimes this physical separation can cause a friendship to breakdown and maybe a relationship with my love one also...I guess you know who. Yet, sometimes friends can grow even closer through it. Sadly, most of the time my friends and I have lost this connection, simply because we got caught up in our daily lives- study, work, family, kids...so on and so forth.

So I guess I'm going to bounce into this emotion again. But this time, it will involve a lot of people: especially my family, my friends, my dearest readers and followers...and of course, him. I might not be able to update my blog after being posted. But I'm still hoping that there will be no problem in internet connection there. It's hard for me to say goodbye now. It gets me so suffocated and I feel like crying. But I know that if I look at saying goodbye as a new hope, things begin to brighten up. I have a hope that I will someday be able to see you, you, you and you again. Now, that is enough to keep me going. Well..saying goodbye may bring a great deal of sadness to me, but the amount of sadness depends on my hope in seeing you guys again. And I just want to be your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
I love you all..and I am going to miss you guys.

Hugs and Kisses,

April 19, 2010

Ronggeng Time!!!!!!

Last weekend I went to KL for Sabrina's wedding reception. After the wedding we went to REDBOX and......have fun!!chill of course! Thanks guys for that happy moment! Oh, speaking about the wedding, Sabrina was so damn pretty. I love the make up! And guys...what happened in Exora...let it be a secret between us. Okay...it's snapshot time!!!

The very important guests....=p


BFF!!! Me and Ana...Geds!


Dilla with her killer pose..

With the brides....

My shot=)

It's me!!

By the way, thanks Wawa for the accommodation. Already miss you guys!


It's getting painful everyday, every hour, every minute, every second.....
And yes! I have a fever.
Till then.

April 18, 2010


I am in a pensive sadness right now. Mata saya semacam bola golf sekarang ni. sebab telah menangis sepanjang malam. Rasa sangat sedih. Tersangat sedih. Owh, semalam saya dah buat satu perkara bodoh di Starbucks. Erm..it's kind of embarrassing . I still remember how I begged the Starbucks manager. Semalam saya telah menjadi orang yang paling last entered the boarding gate. Masih lagi menunggu kalau-kalau dia sudi datang. Tapi tak. So I left the card *card itu saya buat sendiri, okay?* dekat Starbucks di airport. Actually tak boleh drop barang dekat Starbucks tapi sebab I was crying like hell, at last manager tu bagi juga letak card tu di situ. I was hoping that dia akan datang ambil sebab dia ada 4 jam sebelum Starbucks tu tutup. But sadly, dia tak datang ambil pun. Kalau dah tak dapat jumpa, apa lah salahnya dia pergi datang ambil card tu..at least it shows that dia memang bersungguh..Tapi tak. Sangat sedih sebab Manager tu mesti dah buang kad tu.

Kamu pernah kah buat seperti yang saya buat?

Lepas apa yang dia dah buat kat saya, saya rasa semacam malas nak jumpa dia lagi. Dia semacam tak tau apa nak buat lepas lukakan hati saya. Padahal saya dah cakap banyak kali apa yang saya nak.

Siapa nak teman saya pergi holiday? Or...siapa nak belanja saya pergi holiday..I need to chill.


Dear blog,
I did something stupid today. And I think what I did only happened in drama. Well, I'm not trying to become a drama queen but it's something that I had to. Seriously.
I didn't ask you to spend your time with me for the whole day, or maybe for 5 hours, or maybe for 50 minutes. Not at all. Why? Because I know that you had to prepare for your interview. I just asking for your "5 minutes" only so that I could give this one precious thing to you. Susahkan sangat ke?
Oklah..malas nak tulis panjang-panjang. Need to sleep. Nite everyone.

April 16, 2010

A bus ride.

Morning lovelies. I just arrived from Terengganu and my back ached so much right now. Spending 5 hours in the bus had really make me sick. I got a seat just next to the big guy who kept on snoring along the journey. I couldn't fall asleep at all.
This is my second experience going back from Terengganu by bus. And I think it's the most horrible journey that I ever had. First, the bus came late for nearly an hour. Second, my seat was taken by other person. Third I got a seat next to a fat guy who loved to snore. What a journey!
Now I am at Wawa's house. Yay!! Happy mode~
Okay, need to help Wawa to prepare breakfast. Till then.

April 12, 2010


Diam tak diam, ini ialah entry saya yang ke 300. Wow! Pat on my shoulder..Huu. Anyways, kepala saya masih terasa sengal akibat terhantuk yang kuat semalam. And my ulcer is getting worse. I got another one just next to the previous ulcer. It hurts me so much sebab ulcer bertuah ni naik dekat hujung lidah. Yesterday sangat struggle nak mengajar. And hari ni terasa sangat "dok ghok". Ulcer + headache = I'm so sick!!

I'm looking forward for this coming weekend. I just can't wait to meet Ana, Dilla, Ila, Wawa (well, perhaps) and Joe and the rest of my classmates. And I just can't wait to meet Mrs. Sab and her hubby. Macam seronoklah bukan dapat berkahwin. Bila seorang lelaki tu melamar anda, anda ialah wanita paling bertuah di muka bumi ini, tahu? Why? Because you are the chosen one. Anda sangatlah special. Wah~~bilakah saat itu akan menjelma?? Mari berangan sebentar.

Oh ya! Speaking about dreaming, I have something in my mind right now. Boleh tak if, saya nak ke butik pengantin dan nak try baju-baju pengantin yang ada kat situ? Oh, sila jangan salah faham. I'm not going to get married. Just nak cuba-cuba. Mana lah tau kot-kot saya tak berpeluang pakai baju tersebut. Boleh tak berbuat seperti yang demikian? Agak-agak orang kat butik tu marah tak?

Tapi saya kena buat confession dulu..which I'm still have not decide yet whether to confess it or not. Jangan tanya kenapa or apa. Sampai masa nanti saya akan cakap kat kamu semua. Okay?

By the ways, thanks Farini for that song. Sangat sesuai. Every other time. Thanks.

April 10, 2010

I am feeling better

Words can hardly express how better I'm feeling right now. Woke up in the morning without having to think about the "observations" thing anymore. I just found out that it is quite annoying when there are people watching and evaluating me when I was teaching. It somehow makes me nervous and I lost my words sometimes. But hey!!It's over. The observation-thingy is over. Can you believe it???
So I went out with my housemates on Thursday night. It was sort of like a celebration, I could say. We went out for dinner at Noodle Station. I was having the same old meal Tomyam with Prawn Fired Rice and Iced Cafe Latte. Then I had "Strawberry Nut" for my dessert. It was like heaven when I took the first sip of "Strawberry Nut". I haven't ate any ice-cream for months!!! And I almost forgot the smooth and sweet taste of an ice-cream. That's explained how busy my life was for the past few months. I know it is not officially over yet as I have to go through the examination first. But at least the training-thingy is over. Soon.
Hurm...I was thinking that maybe I should confess what I'm facing right now. But I'm afraid that people might not believe me and maybe some of them would think that I'm just being a pathetic girl, begging for a sympathy. Better to think about this many times before I make the confession. Let's forget about it for a while. Ice-cream anyone?

..Strawberry Nut..

April 08, 2010


Hi. The heart speaks again after being absent for the past 4 days. Wee~I was superb busy this week. Struggling with this training stuffs really made me sick. But hey! Now I can say that my 25-hours-a-day life is almost over. Well at least it is unofficially over. I had gone through all of the observations and all I could say is...........Yay!!
Now I just want to take a nap. Oh, apparently, I'm satisfied with this Tomato Essence collagen. Thanks Gia for this product. Jom tidur?zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

April 04, 2010

2 things

1. He is unpredictable.

2. Must keep on trying no matter what.

You don't understand, do you? Huh~I feel so sleepy now...... No time for long and ramble explanations. Goodnight everyone!

April 02, 2010


After having a therapy with one of my friend, I'm now realized that how lucky I am. Having such a patient partner in life, I should be thankful and grateful. He never broke up with me even if I asked for it. He said it is not worth it to break up just because of small things. And me, who always being the sensitive one, never ever think wisely even though I know that every problems have it possible solutions. He knew who I am. I always love to let out words from my mouth without thinking.

It is true that he was the one who always break my heart. But I should know that he didn't mean to. He is human too. And human do make mistakes in life, purposely or not purposely. Right?

I love this relationship so much. Therefore, I should have faith in it. Thanks to my friend for her advice. It really makes me realized that in a relationship, there should be a "give and take" situation. I cannot hope for something if I couldn't even trust him and trust our relationship. Guys are a way different from us. They have their own way of showing their love, without having to put aside their ego. And we as women, we should never let go if we still want to try. Avoid to be controlled by emotions. Emotions could kill a relationship. And it happens.

Now, I shall appreciate his determination and perseverance in treating me as his lover. And me, I should be emotionless for the small things that happened.


Same Old Typable Thoughts

Hi everyone!Surprised with my blog? Don't be. I'm still Cikmai who loves to ramble about everything.
Same old author with the same typable thoughts.
Keep on reading.
Love you all!

Hugs and kisses,

April 01, 2010


I went through on my friend's profile at Facebook and found this photo:

Wawa, Fida, Tasha, Hanim, Nurul, Me, Ana plus the invisible Dilla.

Wow! She still keep this photo. This photo was taken when we were struggling with our second semester. I really miss those moments. I really do. Moments when you can do 2 things at one time- Study and wasting times. Woooooooooooooooot~
When I had a chat with Wawa yesterday, we were talking about those moments. Moments of skipping class, window shopping, our trip, our marshmallow.........Then after that, I looked back at this photo and I get emotionally intense. I miss them a lot!! So much!
Sometimes there were times when we really need girlfriends. How I wish I could turn back time.

p/s: Girls and Joe..I hope that we can meet on this coming Sab's reception. Reunion!!!!!!!!

Congratulations Sab and Hubby. Wish you guys happily ever after.