Indeed, I'm not ready yet to let him go..WILLINGLY.
May 31, 2010
Hmm...
Once my best friend asked me have I ever wondered if one day Zaffan leaves me? And I answered I did think about it before. And still I keep on thinking. But it comes to the same conclusion.
Indeed, I'm not ready yet to let him go..WILLINGLY.
Indeed, I'm not ready yet to let him go..WILLINGLY.
May 29, 2010
"Ritual"
As I opened my eyes this morning, I look at my watch. Uh, still early. While waited for it to strike at 8.30 a.m., I fell asleep again. When I woke up.....Dang!! It's already 10 a.m. I looked around and sighed. The rest were still sleeping. Good.
So I took a deep breath. I know this isn't easy for me. I bet for other people also. But I've got to do this. It's part of what I called "a ritual".
I got up from my so called bed quickly cause I know that I'd to do it before they awake. Without wasting time, I walked straight heading to the room where I did my ritual once in every two weeks. OMG! There's someone inside that room. I need to take my "ritual" equipments. What should I do? Okay. Calm down. Just wait. Nothing to be worried of.
And so I waited. Once the room's empty, I quickly took all the apparatus that I need for my ritual. Okay. That's it. I need to finish my ritual as soon as I can.
I pulled out my full strength, praying that it will run smoothly, without any distractions. I started to sing, well like always I did, as I held the magic brush. I used every single energy to scrubbed that dirty thingy. I know it's hard and difficult but I tried my best. Salty clear beads was running through all over my body. I kept on scrubbing. Indeed, I succeed!
Yes!!Now both of the toilets are cleaned. I can have my shower and singing happily. The moral of the story is you should clean your toilet once a week so that you don't have to scrub it with all energy that you have. Okay then. Oh, I can't give you a hug and kisses as I'm smelly like a dead fish.
So I took a deep breath. I know this isn't easy for me. I bet for other people also. But I've got to do this. It's part of what I called "a ritual".
I got up from my so called bed quickly cause I know that I'd to do it before they awake. Without wasting time, I walked straight heading to the room where I did my ritual once in every two weeks. OMG! There's someone inside that room. I need to take my "ritual" equipments. What should I do? Okay. Calm down. Just wait. Nothing to be worried of.
And so I waited. Once the room's empty, I quickly took all the apparatus that I need for my ritual. Okay. That's it. I need to finish my ritual as soon as I can.
I pulled out my full strength, praying that it will run smoothly, without any distractions. I started to sing, well like always I did, as I held the magic brush. I used every single energy to scrubbed that dirty thingy. I know it's hard and difficult but I tried my best. Salty clear beads was running through all over my body. I kept on scrubbing. Indeed, I succeed!
Yes!!Now both of the toilets are cleaned. I can have my shower and singing happily. The moral of the story is you should clean your toilet once a week so that you don't have to scrub it with all energy that you have. Okay then. Oh, I can't give you a hug and kisses as I'm smelly like a dead fish.
May 27, 2010
Reminiscene
I was browsing through my videos folder in my lappy when I found this video. It's a video clip of a song from Vitamin C - Graduation. Then I reminiscing about the high school years with one of my dorm mates. I told her that I love my life back to my varsity years most instead of my high school years. But then, when I think about it again, somehow my high school years were not that bad actually. The pressure of student life is a whole lot better than the working life.
My primary school was so-so. I'm a very good girl plus damn naive. Always participated in many competitions and was not a rule breaker. Nothing much to be remembered but only one thing. I found my best friend,my true best friend, during my elementary years.
Then I went to high school. What I love most about my school years is breaking the rules. Oh, not to forget about the craziest things that I'd done. I could remember the "Pakcik Jual Pau Maharani Yang Sangat Sedap dan Murah" just across the street, in front of our school's field, waiting to take our ( me and my other dorm mates) order. We were using the shouting technique to place our order which was like so fun! I could also remember when me and some of my friends were craving to eat "Mee Bandung Muar" that night (or evening? I could not remember). Then we asked for permission from the Pakcik guard to go out and buy it, which of course, he didn't allow us to. Then that kind-hearted Pakcik guard helped us to get that scrumptious Mee bandung while me and my friends had to stay at the post-guard, replacing him. Then I love the moment of catching a fish in that clear drain. The moment of climbing up a rambutan tree so early in the morning. Breaking rules here and there. It was so much fun!
Then I went to the matriculation program. I love to call it my rebellious year. I was totally a rule breaker and a trouble maker. So many crazy things I did when I was in matriculation. Can't remember a lot. The best part was I met my best friend at the Koperasi. And we were like screaming and hugging each other. I love her so much.
My life as an university student was the best part of all. It's the place where I learned to become outspoken and brave. It's the place where I did make over to myself. A place where I learned to survive. A place where I found my true love. One of my fondest memory was when my heart went literally berserk, thumping like there were hundred of elephants running in my chest. I could remember vividly that moment very well. I just came back from the serving class (with uniform and heavy make-up on my face) and went straight to my acoustic band practice, where I met a new member of the band. I looked carefully and gosh! It was him, my first crushed when I was in high-school. He was playing the guitar while I was the flutist. Practicing and performing show together with him was one of my unforgettable moments. Oh, not to forget the moment where I skipped my class just to go shopping with my buddies. The moment where we went to Pavilion just because we were craving like hell for JCo Donuts. The moment where we spent our assignment on Portuguese food and culture.. The moment where we met that Ustaz Squidward and Mr. What-we-called-it. Struggling to produce our own dragon fruit marshmallow which I almost gave up trying but at the end we succeed. The moment of spending time for "Jalan-jalan Cari Makan" program. How I wish I could turn back time.
I miss every single moment of my life as a student..
Life of my school years to varsity had taught me a lot. I learned to grow up. I learned to accept the reality and be grateful of what I have. I learned to cherish every moments with tears and laughter. Indeed, I learned a lot about life.
As I almost finished typing this entry, I asked myself- what was being a student for me? And yet, I'm still trying to figure out the answer as there is no, and there will never be, any decisive answer for that particular question. Whenever I think about those memories, there is only one thing that I know it for sure. That one thing is how I miss them so much.
Hugs and Kisses,
My primary school was so-so. I'm a very good girl plus damn naive. Always participated in many competitions and was not a rule breaker. Nothing much to be remembered but only one thing. I found my best friend,my true best friend, during my elementary years.
Then I went to high school. What I love most about my school years is breaking the rules. Oh, not to forget about the craziest things that I'd done. I could remember the "Pakcik Jual Pau Maharani Yang Sangat Sedap dan Murah" just across the street, in front of our school's field, waiting to take our ( me and my other dorm mates) order. We were using the shouting technique to place our order which was like so fun! I could also remember when me and some of my friends were craving to eat "Mee Bandung Muar" that night (or evening? I could not remember). Then we asked for permission from the Pakcik guard to go out and buy it, which of course, he didn't allow us to. Then that kind-hearted Pakcik guard helped us to get that scrumptious Mee bandung while me and my friends had to stay at the post-guard, replacing him. Then I love the moment of catching a fish in that clear drain. The moment of climbing up a rambutan tree so early in the morning. Breaking rules here and there. It was so much fun!
Then I went to the matriculation program. I love to call it my rebellious year. I was totally a rule breaker and a trouble maker. So many crazy things I did when I was in matriculation. Can't remember a lot. The best part was I met my best friend at the Koperasi. And we were like screaming and hugging each other. I love her so much.
My life as an university student was the best part of all. It's the place where I learned to become outspoken and brave. It's the place where I did make over to myself. A place where I learned to survive. A place where I found my true love. One of my fondest memory was when my heart went literally berserk, thumping like there were hundred of elephants running in my chest. I could remember vividly that moment very well. I just came back from the serving class (with uniform and heavy make-up on my face) and went straight to my acoustic band practice, where I met a new member of the band. I looked carefully and gosh! It was him, my first crushed when I was in high-school. He was playing the guitar while I was the flutist. Practicing and performing show together with him was one of my unforgettable moments. Oh, not to forget the moment where I skipped my class just to go shopping with my buddies. The moment where we went to Pavilion just because we were craving like hell for JCo Donuts. The moment where we spent our assignment on Portuguese food and culture.. The moment where we met that Ustaz Squidward and Mr. What-we-called-it. Struggling to produce our own dragon fruit marshmallow which I almost gave up trying but at the end we succeed. The moment of spending time for "Jalan-jalan Cari Makan" program. How I wish I could turn back time.
I miss every single moment of my life as a student..
Life of my school years to varsity had taught me a lot. I learned to grow up. I learned to accept the reality and be grateful of what I have. I learned to cherish every moments with tears and laughter. Indeed, I learned a lot about life.
As I almost finished typing this entry, I asked myself- what was being a student for me? And yet, I'm still trying to figure out the answer as there is no, and there will never be, any decisive answer for that particular question. Whenever I think about those memories, there is only one thing that I know it for sure. That one thing is how I miss them so much.
Hugs and Kisses,
Confused
How would you guys describe the words "hate" and "dislike"? For me hate is such an ugly emotion and yet so much a part of our human make up. You can choose to like or to hate someone. The choice is yours. In what ever way it is, the word hate is often misused. Though some people use it rather frequently, they've never known what it feels like to really hate someone. What about dislike? Isn't it just the same, don't you think?? Or maybe not.
Whatever it is, I hate when people keep on pretending that he or she is kind of perfect but in reality they actually don't. Being such a lovely, kind, soft spoken and adorable person just to get attention from others??Or in other words just to take other people for granted?? Hello!!!There's nobody perfect in this world, for God's sake. And that's the ugly truth that you should know, dear.
So.....Have you ever encountered with such person? Me? Yes, I have. And it's annoying and irritating. My first impressions and expectations are totally wrong. Was it because I'm blind for all this while or was it because he/she is such a drama queen? I have no idea about it. The truth is this hatred is keep on developing and I don't know the exact time for it to explode.
Please!!!!!!!!!!! I hate the feeling of hatred. Should I let out this feeling or should I just keep my mouth shut and let it go with the flow? I realized that acting like I don't care about it all and pretending to be okay will create other hatred. But what should I do? I'm so confused. Maybe I should hang on and hopefully that person will be vanished soon.......real soon.
Assalamualaikum
Hugs and Kisses,
Whatever it is, I hate when people keep on pretending that he or she is kind of perfect but in reality they actually don't. Being such a lovely, kind, soft spoken and adorable person just to get attention from others??Or in other words just to take other people for granted?? Hello!!!There's nobody perfect in this world, for God's sake. And that's the ugly truth that you should know, dear.
So.....Have you ever encountered with such person? Me? Yes, I have. And it's annoying and irritating. My first impressions and expectations are totally wrong. Was it because I'm blind for all this while or was it because he/she is such a drama queen? I have no idea about it. The truth is this hatred is keep on developing and I don't know the exact time for it to explode.
Please!!!!!!!!!!! I hate the feeling of hatred. Should I let out this feeling or should I just keep my mouth shut and let it go with the flow? I realized that acting like I don't care about it all and pretending to be okay will create other hatred. But what should I do? I'm so confused. Maybe I should hang on and hopefully that person will be vanished soon.......real soon.
Assalamualaikum
Hugs and Kisses,
May 26, 2010
Another surprise
I love making surprise to Mr. Z.
It's one way for me to implicitly tell him how much I love him.
So I sent him a box of baby cupcakes.
He was happy and he thanked me for that cute little things. Thanks to Cupcake Dazzle for that scrumptious cupcakes. Mr. Z likes it so much!
It's one way for me to implicitly tell him how much I love him.
So I sent him a box of baby cupcakes.
He was happy and he thanked me for that cute little things. Thanks to Cupcake Dazzle for that scrumptious cupcakes. Mr. Z likes it so much!
Picture courtesy from Cupcake Dazzle
Sometimes we need to have surprises in a relationship, especially for those who are having a long distance relationship, like me. I just hope that I could be the best for him.
Oh yes. I'm still working on the editing thingy for my dinner pics. I'll tell you about my last dinner later, when I'm finished my editing. I'm a bit busy right now. So many courses to be attended.
Nite everyone.
Oh yes. I'm still working on the editing thingy for my dinner pics. I'll tell you about my last dinner later, when I'm finished my editing. I'm a bit busy right now. So many courses to be attended.
Nite everyone.
Hugs and Kisses,
May 22, 2010
It was great!!
Hello lovelies!!! Did you miss me???Really??Oh..how sweet..I miss you too!
I spent my weekends with my housemates and guess what??It was great!!!!!!We went to Kemaman and we were staying at Ida's place. I just couldn't help it was really really really great!!
We went for a movie at Kuantan. Shrek 3 was superb!!!! I love the story line. It has value. The movie did reflect my life, somehow. It makes me realized that we should appreciate of what we had before it's gone. I was nearly cried yesterday when Shrek lost his loving wife and adorable kids. It's a nice story.
Oh, wait! I forgot to tell you the best part before the movie. I went for a make-up hunting!!! Weee~ Now my skin is getting better, it's time for me to reload my make-up bag with new stuffs. Bodyshop and The Faceshop are having sale. So I grabbed a concealer, a two-way cake, a blusher and an eyeshadow. Then I moved to Stage where I bought my turquoise eyeliner. It's stunning. I'd never ever used other colour of eyeliner before except black and dark brown. Just want to be a bit different. Guess what????? I'm happy.
But I'm so sorry. Because I was too busy for the hunting, I had no time for photos. Okay then. I have something new to be explored. A new game. wee~ I'll continue later. Till then.
Hugs and Kisses,
I spent my weekends with my housemates and guess what??It was great!!!!!!We went to Kemaman and we were staying at Ida's place. I just couldn't help it was really really really great!!
We went for a movie at Kuantan. Shrek 3 was superb!!!! I love the story line. It has value. The movie did reflect my life, somehow. It makes me realized that we should appreciate of what we had before it's gone. I was nearly cried yesterday when Shrek lost his loving wife and adorable kids. It's a nice story.
Oh, wait! I forgot to tell you the best part before the movie. I went for a make-up hunting!!! Weee~ Now my skin is getting better, it's time for me to reload my make-up bag with new stuffs. Bodyshop and The Faceshop are having sale. So I grabbed a concealer, a two-way cake, a blusher and an eyeshadow. Then I moved to Stage where I bought my turquoise eyeliner. It's stunning. I'd never ever used other colour of eyeliner before except black and dark brown. Just want to be a bit different. Guess what????? I'm happy.
But I'm so sorry. Because I was too busy for the hunting, I had no time for photos. Okay then. I have something new to be explored. A new game. wee~ I'll continue later. Till then.
Hugs and Kisses,
May 20, 2010
Quickie!
I'd finished my last paper today so.......................Hooray! Yippee~
Actually there's a lot of things in my mind right now but I couldn't catch any of it. The ideas slowly mingled together to make more complex thoughts. Therefore I'll get blank whenever I placed my fingers on the keyboard. Sort of like I'm not in the mood to blog right now. I don't know why. Maybe I was too tired of struggling for the past three days. And I need some rest.
Don't worry lovelies. My hibernation process won't take too long. I'll continue to blog as soon as possible. Perhaps tomorrow. Good night all.
Hugs and kisses,
Actually there's a lot of things in my mind right now but I couldn't catch any of it. The ideas slowly mingled together to make more complex thoughts. Therefore I'll get blank whenever I placed my fingers on the keyboard. Sort of like I'm not in the mood to blog right now. I don't know why. Maybe I was too tired of struggling for the past three days. And I need some rest.
Don't worry lovelies. My hibernation process won't take too long. I'll continue to blog as soon as possible. Perhaps tomorrow. Good night all.
Hugs and kisses,
May 18, 2010
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. . . I need MOTIVATION right now. . .
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Hugs and kisses,
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. . . I need MOTIVATION right now. . .
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.
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Oh, thought of coming back after finished my exam. Nak jumpa mereka yang saya sayang sebelum pergi posting. But seems like I'm on tight budget.. ada sesiapa tak yang nak sponsor saya?
Hugs and kisses,
Side effect, isn't it?
I do have paper tomorrow but still I have time to post this entry. Hey, blog is made as a medium to share our thoughts, feelings and moments.
What I want to share with you, Lovelies is about something that I think might help you too. I men those who had the same health problem like me. I'm now currently taking this supplement. It's Aloe Vera gel. It says that it can reduce my asthma and sinus.The bad thing is that it has short term (well I hope so) side effects. It's because of the process of discharging toxin and he germs, maybe. Anyway, now I've got lots of small pimples on my skin's surface. Although it is good, I mean it shows a sign of positive progress, but hey pimple will always be girl's No. 1 enemy. Just hang on for one more week and hoping for more progress. A positive one, of course. Oh, one thing that I realized is that I didn't sneeze in the morning. At least there's a good sign, isn't it. Oh, let me introduce to you the Aloe Vera gel. Although these pimples are killing me, but I felt comfortable as my skin didn't itchy anymore!!!!! Alhamdulillah.
What I want to share with you, Lovelies is about something that I think might help you too. I men those who had the same health problem like me. I'm now currently taking this supplement. It's Aloe Vera gel. It says that it can reduce my asthma and sinus.The bad thing is that it has short term (well I hope so) side effects. It's because of the process of discharging toxin and he germs, maybe. Anyway, now I've got lots of small pimples on my skin's surface. Although it is good, I mean it shows a sign of positive progress, but hey pimple will always be girl's No. 1 enemy. Just hang on for one more week and hoping for more progress. A positive one, of course. Oh, one thing that I realized is that I didn't sneeze in the morning. At least there's a good sign, isn't it. Oh, let me introduce to you the Aloe Vera gel. Although these pimples are killing me, but I felt comfortable as my skin didn't itchy anymore!!!!! Alhamdulillah.
Well.......everyone in my house is struggling for the next paper. We will be having the first paper of English tomorrow. I can't deny that I hate this kind of environment. It makes me so tense. Looks like I'm the only person here who don't even touch the English text book yet. I have to struggle more on the phonetics.
Hugs and Kisses,
Hugs and Kisses,
I don't want to lose him.
I'm quite depressed and it's beginning to affect my relationship. My boyfriend and I are together for 4 years and it looks stable, even though sometimes we've bump into arguments. We even have plan to get married in the future, InsyaAllah. Although we are having a long distance relationship, there's still a lot of communications between us. Thanks to technologies. But somehow it seems like we are having the type of unbalanced relationship where either party loves and cares much more than they are willing to do.
He used to be busy with his life now- work and going out with some friends. I don't know whether he purposely makes his life busy so that he won't miss me a lot or he seems bored with me. I mean, he needs to live his life too. But that doesn't mean he has to start ignoring me. I did feel hurt with his friends too. As to let out my anger and dissatisfaction, I share my feelings here, hoping that he will accessing my online blog and find out how I feel and started to argue on petty things with him. For me, that's the best way to get his attentions. I know it sounds a bit narcissistic, but yeah...it's true. All I want is his attention. Now, judging by the way things go, I feel like there's something going wrong in our relationship but I don't know what it is.
..Forever as one..
(Picture taken from the author personal collections)
I don't want to lose him. We've been through a lot, from health issues, families, exams, graduations, jobs, career and so on. I'd even die for him......I think he'd be hurt if I just started the topic or he'd think it's obsessing me so I can't talk to him about it. And last night I asked him about something and the way he answered me was sort of like showing me a sign...I'm afraid. Phobia. Like being possessed. I JUST DON'T WANT TO LOSE HIM...I'm not sure what kind of help I need right now. But one thing I know it for sure is being too afraid of losing him, being insecure and possessively will drive him away.
I want him to know that I need him to need me and I love him to love me. We've been through so much obstacles during our relationship and I hope he won't give up, although I've had my faults too. I'm sorry for being too dependent on you. But one thing for sure is my love for you won't fade away. I love you and nothing will change that.
Dear depressed, please go away as soon as possible as I still have 2 more papers to go. Wish me luck for my final exam and pray for my success.
Hugs and kisses,
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