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January 22, 2010

Unfair

Now I can confess that life is unfair. And it's for sure we knew from that statement - we cannot always get what we want in our life. Cause if we does, it means life is so damn fair. Right?And please allow me let out everything from my chest or should I say "May I continue nagging?". This is my blog by the way, my room. Hey, I'm not trying to be a narcissist. I just want to settle down with my emotions here.

Lets get back to the business. I had a major argument with him last night. And somehow I feel sort of like giving up..you know having this kind of relationship. Things are not going good enough for me at the moment. It's not that I'm too selfish. No. Not at all. Never in my life, I'd been selfish with others. There is no word such as selfish in my life dictionary. I'm just too naive. Yes. That's the best word for a perfect description. NAIVE. Let's say that you are in the middle of stress and you have a problem, for sure you will look for your mate... i mean your partner. Why? Because this person is much more closer to you than your family. Pardon me if i'm wrong. But for me, there are certain things that I need to share with my partner. Things like my study, my work. I love my family so much and I don't want to make them worry. As i told you earlier..my parents' smile worth more than sunshine. He said "I'll call you tonight". Ha! Feel a little bit of relief. I waited for him to call me since that Sunday night until last night. Sadly, my phone didn't ring at all. Tell me, what should I react? What? you think i'm pathetic? Like I care. I'm human, you stupid!I have feelings like you too.

This isn't the first time I had to sacrifice my feeling. I had to forget everything all by myself. Again and again. It isn't fair for me sometimes. It really does. "Ko ni bodoh ke ape? ( are stupid or what?)". The most common answer that I've got when I share it with my friends. There are lots of things that you'd done to me before. I just keep quite. But I don't want to start it because past is past. And if i start it right now, my tears won't stop. And this entry will going to be the longest entry ever. I know some people blame it all on me. Well, you just don't know the story. The true story. How I walk in the rain, how I walk from SACC to Seksyen 7..just to send you a pizza. A custom made pizza, okay? How I struggle myself inside that sardine-packed train and waited for you at MidValley than you canceled the date the moment I reached there? How I felt when you left me ALONE at the bench, asked me to wait for you while you went meeting with other girl? I didn't get mad at all. Because I trust you. And I love you. But you? Have you ever thought how I felt at that moment?

I changed a lot. Seriously. I changed myself the way you want me too. All I asked is please be sensitive. Not all the time..just for sometimes. I don't want your money. I'm not that materialistic when it comes to my love life. All I asked from you is attention. I need your attention. Is that hard for you? Urgh..I hate this feeling. Please..Let me out from this misery.



2 babbles:

pphoenix said...

i think life is fair. it's how u define the word fair itself. and honestly if you ask me how should you react when he didn't call, i'd say you go call him. that's what i'd do

AKMAR said...

I did call him but he didn't answer. In fact, i tried so many times. How should I react then?