My Lil Bro

Tadi pergi print and photostat worksheet for my dear pupils esok. Then dekat CC tu adela budak-budak MRSM yg outing. Seeing those kids remind me about my lil brother. I miss him so much. Last time I met him was about 2 or 3 months ago. Thank god ade YM...boleh la chat. For my lil bro, study smart and strive for success. Sis is missing ya right now!

Me and adik

Unfair

Now I can confess that life is unfair. And it's for sure we knew from that statement - we cannot always get what we want in our life. Cause if we does, it means life is so damn fair. Right?And please allow me let out everything from my chest or should I say "May I continue nagging?". This is my blog by the way, my room. Hey, I'm not trying to be a narcissist. I just want to settle down with my emotions here.

Lets get back to the business. I had a major argument with him last night. And somehow I feel sort of like giving up..you know having this kind of relationship. Things are not going good enough for me at the moment. It's not that I'm too selfish. No. Not at all. Never in my life, I'd been selfish with others. There is no word such as selfish in my life dictionary. I'm just too naive. Yes. That's the best word for a perfect description. NAIVE. Let's say that you are in the middle of stress and you have a problem, for sure you will look for your mate... i mean your partner. Why? Because this person is much more closer to you than your family. Pardon me if i'm wrong. But for me, there are certain things that I need to share with my partner. Things like my study, my work. I love my family so much and I don't want to make them worry. As i told you earlier..my parents' smile worth more than sunshine. He said "I'll call you tonight". Ha! Feel a little bit of relief. I waited for him to call me since that Sunday night until last night. Sadly, my phone didn't ring at all. Tell me, what should I react? What? you think i'm pathetic? Like I care. I'm human, you stupid!I have feelings like you too.

This isn't the first time I had to sacrifice my feeling. I had to forget everything all by myself. Again and again. It isn't fair for me sometimes. It really does. "Ko ni bodoh ke ape? ( are stupid or what?)". The most common answer that I've got when I share it with my friends. There are lots of things that you'd done to me before. I just keep quite. But I don't want to start it because past is past. And if i start it right now, my tears won't stop. And this entry will going to be the longest entry ever. I know some people blame it all on me. Well, you just don't know the story. The true story. How I walk in the rain, how I walk from SACC to Seksyen 7..just to send you a pizza. A custom made pizza, okay? How I struggle myself inside that sardine-packed train and waited for you at MidValley than you canceled the date the moment I reached there? How I felt when you left me ALONE at the bench, asked me to wait for you while you went meeting with other girl? I didn't get mad at all. Because I trust you. And I love you. But you? Have you ever thought how I felt at that moment?

I changed a lot. Seriously. I changed myself the way you want me too. All I asked is please be sensitive. Not all the time..just for sometimes. I don't want your money. I'm not that materialistic when it comes to my love life. All I asked from you is attention. I need your attention. Is that hard for you? Urgh..I hate this feeling. Please..Let me out from this misery.

. . . (T_T) . . .

Hope.

Even I know it won't come true but I keep on hoping.

Hope.

Even my last drop of tears running down on my cheek, i keep on hoping.

Hope.

Even I know that i'm just having too much of hopes, but I keep on praying.

Praying that someday, somehow, somewhere, miracles will come.

Then my hope won't be just a hope anymore, but it become REALITY.

I just hope that I get what I've been hoping for.

And I just hope I won't be hopeless anymore.

Still hoping.

I need a miracle.

(T_T)

I am now.........................

craving for more chocolates! It translated into extra and superb stress..blend with rich frustration and mild unstable emotion for me. A very perfect description, don't you think?

I bet i'm not the only woman in this world who needs chocolates more than everything. *Of course money do come first! Always* Especially when you are not in a very good mood. I just finished my half full packet of Daim within 10 minutes. Aha! Sounds like I'm so not stable right now.

Women had always described chocolates with one word- Sinful. But despite so, did you guys know that 99% of all women love chocolate and they may actually prefer chocolate more that everything, even sex? Yes. I made a research just now by reading articles and past researches about choc & women, which I found out to be so much interesting!! But I guess it's not just the women who love it..I bet almost everybody would love it too.

Okay....Tell me one thing. Who can resist the pleasant taste of the rich chocolate when it melted in your mouth? I'm sure it delivers a very superb wonderful taste right through your tongue, doesn't it?Well...according to an article, phenylethylamine inside chocolate gives it a very wonderful taste. It is the same chemical that released in your brain when you fall in love? Which means leading you to that increase in the pounding of your heart - or should I say a sudden gush of excitement feeling. Some people used to call it as "Love Chemical".Enough for the fact for now. You can continue reading the facts of chocolate and women on your own. Where to find? Just google for it lah!!!!

I'm truly madly deeply craving for chocolates. It's not that I'm stress with work. No. Not at all. I love my job as much as I love kids. It's about my relationship. I need chocolates to help me in implementing emotional intelligence competency. I really do.

Oh yes! Before that, to all dudes who read my blog, chocolate will be a perfect gift for your love. Just like buying roses during anniversary or maybe birthday, chocolate can never go wrong. And hey, did you know that roses also contained the "Love Chemical"- Phenylethylamine? That explains for its distinct scent. The both could be the best combination ever, don't you think? Urgh....enough!enough! I need chocolates. Please send me one!

(^_^)

Two words...HAPPY and RELIEF.

Yes! Yesterday and today.

2 days at school without the presence of the Headmaster.

Yay!!!!!!!!

Have you ever...............................

had your favourite days of the week? You know...things like you hate Mondays because Mondays are dreadful simply because they are Mondays..or Fridays and Saturdays that you are looking forward to as fun and exciting days of some sort like party and shopping and whatsoever...

From the time I was a child, I always had favourite days of the week. Even before I went to school, weekend days of Saturdays and Sundays were my favourite days of the week. You know why? It seemed most of the time adults were off of work and school on those days. So, it translated into extra time for me, my parents and my sisters & brothers to have fun togetheron those days.

When I started going to school, it didn't change. Schools were off on the weekend- which means no classes. Only as I started getting into the higher grades did I become annoyed with Mondays. Black Mondays!!!!!!Urghhh!!!! After the fun of the average weekend, who could settle down and concentrate on things like math and science? I wasn't alone actually. Classmates also confessed the same thing and actually weren't too thrilled with Sunday nights, either, although they were still considered part of the cherished weekend.

When I went to universities, my likes and dislikes of certain days seemed to revolve around the schedules that my lecturers made for quizzes and tests. I started to hate Thursdays because I had class right after 6 hours of kitchen classes. I started to hate certain days when I had Management of Information System or any other classes like with Miss Rozie where I had to be really prepared before class.. Their classes actually rather ruined the night before that days too because...you know..of course, I had to take time from my precious leisure hours to devoted studying and reading the text book which I called "Bedtime Stories". Also, I had to cancel my dates!!!

Now that I'm getting older and am fulfilling my dreams at Terengganu, I think back and realized that my favourite days of the weeks had totally changed. I have to work on Sundays and no more "Saturdays Night Fever" things. By the moment some of my friends are having fun with their family and friends, having picnic or slumber party on that Saturdays night...I have to get ready to work and be prepared. Since I'm here, I really really miss my favourite Sundays. And of course Saturdays night. Urghh........ Now.. my favourite days of the week are Thursdays and Saturdays. What about Fridays? I don't like it either. You know why? Most of the shops and restaurants here are closed on Fridays. Boring isn't it? Huh.. That's reality. And reality bites me.

And you? What is your favourite days of the week?

Blog?

Some people asked me this question that I couldn't give the answer in detail- if I've been given only about a minute to give the answer and only a few lines to write that many reasons. "Why do you blog?". There many reasons for blogging actually. For example, one of the blogger put his best in giving the description of blogging. He said " We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our reactions run as causes and return to us as results." A very perfect description, don't you think?

Well, I started blogging past 2 years ago largely to pass time and share my feelings, my thoughts, my experiences and my hobbies- like everyone did I guess. I have several friends with blogs specifically dedicated to technologies, photography, relationship or even for fashion and gossips. And yet, I know that I'm not so focused. It's probably because I'm passionate about too many things. And perhaps because a blend of different topics allows that passion to come through in a voice I don't hear in quite the same way inside a blog about one thing. And for me blog is like the journal of my life. My PERSONAL life. Well..frankly, I want to write about things that make us feel human - happiness, sorrow, pain, failure, loneliness, so on and so forth. As for me, it's the humanity I see in a blog that keeps me coming back even if I try so hard to stop.

Moreover, for me, blogs should show personality. If you pay attention to someone's human side, you are bound to get fresh perspective certainly a good reason to read new blog or even start to have a new conversation. I admit that a small part of me, however, as selfishly hoping for admiration *at least some of friends are now become blogger too* and affirmation- a shallow attitude that I've long abandoned. Eventually, I discovered the joy via this "invisible threads" and "sympathetic fibers"; those human connections made along the way. Sometimes I tend to be lovely comfort of strangers and other blogger that I knew too.

You see...In life, we all had a favourite room we retreated to as a child and today, as an adult. well...you know, the room where we go disappear and just be ourselves. Same goes to my blog. My blog is my room. When I log on, I'm entering one of my favourite rooms, a place where I can think, express and be myself. Here, I write whatever comes to my mind- things that I passionate about, feelings that turn my life in to a mess, people I care about and issues or things that disturb or alarm me.

I know mostly I blog to express myself and reach to others because I want to tell something to no one specific and get it off from my chest. However, there are some people think it's because I'm a narcissist and highly think of myself, in simple word- selfish. I don't mind it at all. I don't stop or quit. In fact, I update my blog for almost everyday. I keep blogging because I've met so many great people like you through this medium. And i'm amazed to be introduced to a blogger i've never met!

And that's why I blog. You?

What A Day!

As you all know, today's my first day at school as a pre-service teacher. Oh,I forgot to mention the name of the school, isn't it? Hurm.......I think better not to mention it here because I'm sure most of you don't have any idea where the school is. Well...I could just say it's a school situated in quite remote area. I've been bitten by mosquitoes like 4-5 times!! Serious.

Okay..Conclusion of the day.....one word. TIRED!!!!! I'm so tired even though it's only my first day. Never knew that the school is so active in extra curricular activities. After school, I went back home, performed my Zuhur prayer then get ready in sport attire because I had mini-marathon training. Phew~ But don't worry. I'm fine. I want to be a teacher that will make a big impressions on my school. Whoa! Go girl!

You see.....My first day as a teacher at school brings back so much memories when I was in elementary school. I still remember vividly the teacher who made a big impression on me. And a person that I would always remember would be my Mathematics teacher, Miss Rohaya. I used to be a very active student when I was in Year 6. I played netball. Everyday I had training. I became lazy and lazy until I failed my Mathematics paper. As a prefect, I shouldn't fail any paper. But she helped me realized that there was still room for improvement. In results to her aid, I managed to get A in my UPSR and always get good grades in Maths even when I was in high school. *I'm talking about Modern Maths here, not Add Maths..*But..I couldn't force myself to study Maths because I hate playing with numbers. Huu~

Okay..I think it's enough for now. I'll update later when I have time. Promise.=)

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day.

The day that everyone has been waiting for.

The day that my hectic life as a teacher begin.

The day that I need to be committed to my career.

Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow will sure come and no one can stop tomorrow from coming.

Wish me luck.

*Wondering how will my student look like*

Colour Splash

Seems I'm stuck in this boredom state for the whole day, I learned a new thing. Recently I'm so interested in photography- well after Amir gave me opportunity to hold and actually used his DSLR camera. Wee~
Okay..lets get back to our business. Here are some of the photos that I edited by using colour splash technique. Kindly dropped me any comment. As a beginner, I need some positive comments so that I could improve in my new hobby. Thanks!

Colour splash 1

Colour splash 2

Colour splash 3

Nice isn't it? I'm currently addicted to colour splash!!

When I'm get old

I know that I had already mentioned to all of you that my grandfather came and visited me last month. But I just mentioned about him just a little bit, isn't it? Well he is my ONLY grandparents that I have now. I lost both of my grannies years ago and my grandfather (my dad's father) died before I was born. I could feel how happy he was to see his daughter's family and his grand grandchildren. I could see that despite his spirit remains alive but of course...I cannot deny that his physical abilities has decreased naturally. I can vividly remember the way he was holding a cup of coffee during breakfast. He was trembling. Perhaps that cup seems so heavy for him. Well....It makes me start to think how if I'm getting old like him? Therefore, whatever I had felt and imagined, I pour it into this post.

I know it for sure that if I'm getting old and gray, I will start thinking about my past. But...will I be loved like before? Will I be alone and scared? Who will care about me?

If I'm get old...I will no longer remember how to tie the shoelaces. I will need someone to bathe me. I will spilled my food on the table. And when my leg has been too weak to walk, I will need someone to support me walking. I will no longer blogging. In fact, I will need someone to remember me for about everything- the day, the date, the month or even the topic of my conversation. Truthfully, I don't need people to keep on remember me about something. All I need is my husband and my children to always be there right by my side. So that I won't feel alone and scared.

Now I realized the feeling of senile citizens. Lets shower our love ones, our parents, our grandparents with loves and cares. Hopefully your love to the elderly and your parents will be more.

Atuk (My grandfather)

thank you

A very big hug and kisses to all of my readers, especially my new readers. Thank you for supporting my blog. I'll try my best to visit your blog and show the loves right back. Also, I'll be your followers too. Keep on supporting my blog. Thank you guys!

XOXO!

Hug and kisses,

Faith + Hope + Love

I received a comment from one of my readers regarding to my previous entry - Having hope. His got his point. Having hope alone is not enough. I should have a little faith in me and also love. Yes. Love is crucial in everyone's life.

Faith is a gift from Allah. Faith is like the morning. After every night, it knows it will come. Living in the modern days making me nearly loose my way. You know why? Because the modern days world has no time for faith. It has no desire for faith. People nowadays try to break faith without realizing that faith holds people together and bonds them securely. That's why I hate watching news recently because war didn't stop. I could feel the pain, and how they suffer especially children, women and old citizens.

And love. Love is like a clock. It never stop ticking. And love never runs out. I believe that true love, real true love, is much more than anything. Real true love is to love your parents, your siblings, your partner, your friends or even your lecturer. This real true love is not to endure or to put up with the other, resigning myself to my fate. This love instead makes me "proactive", go beyond myself and reaching to the other, considering the other more important than my self.

Therefore I believe that faith can produce miracles. Hope will keep me striving for what my mind conceives. And love is the foundation of everything- on which my aspiration stands. You see....anything is possible when we put in God's hand. InsyaAllah........Amin!


Till then.

Memoirs

The day was July 15th, 2009 - it was my first day I came to this teaching institute. I still remember the day like it was yesterday with just as much detail. I can vividly recall what I was wearing that day. The first person that I met was Hui Yi. She brought me to our class where me and Rachel introduced ourselves in front of everybody. I felt so awkward at that time. But as time went by, I manage to get used and mingled with everyone in my unit, in fact with other units as well.

One semester gone, and I'm now in second semester..or should I say my last semester. Starting this Sunday, we will be no longer seeing each other in class like always we did back in last semester. We will start teaching for 3 months before our exam.

Studying in this institute and joining this course had exposed me in so many things. Only here, I learned to befriended with people which are older than me. At first I felt the difficulties to mingle around with them. But I managed to overcome this. And I had discovered one thing. One thing that makes me realized that older friends are wonderful to have because they can give you insight into different time and experiences. Even though they are differences in age, it's still possible to have fun and also to learn from each other. They all taught me something a little bit different about life. I rarely had older friends in my life before. Seriously.

To identify one defining moment in my life would be a challenge worth attempting for me. I have had many in my lifetime and I am only 23- well 24 this coming June. The friendship that I treasured here will be one of the greatest moments that I could not forget..ever. And I hope all the things that we cherished together will be last forever and ever, even after we've been posted.

Our last day KRS before our practical.....

Having hope

Perhaps some of you will think that I'm so pathetic after reading this entry. I bet I had already posted so many entries about hope and dreams. I'm just being a person that always believe in hope.

Hope is the sustainance of life. I can lose my career, my family, my love life, lose my way in life altogether- but I cannot lose hope.

For me the idea of having hope is much more than hoping a lecturer postpones classes or a big test..or hoping Mr. Right is in good mood upon coming home from work so that we could share our day together. In fact, hope can be desired in all situations and stumbled upon nearly anywhere. Actually in reality, hope can be found in many ordinary objects, such as song or maybe a wish on a shooting star. Family and friends can give me hope too and even though it may seem impossible, hope can be found within myself. It is important to be able to find hope because I bet everyone will need it at times throughout their lives, and it's the only way to enter the future while looking confidently forward.

But....how powerful is it by having hope? How significant? Does it matter? Does it make a difference? Why do some people like me have it, and some don't? Does any good will come out by having hope? And is it necessary to have hope for succeed? Well..it's all about what is the big deal of having hope actually..And the big deal of having hope is that hope can lead to my life being altered in remarkable ways.

Until recently I never knew how much and for how long I need hope. Hope is something I have learned and I need to get through each day-whether I desire something or I am searching for a better future, hope helps me through. It is sometimes hard for me to have hope when everything is going wrong in my life. I know this is fact that written by God which I should accept it no matter what. I just considered it as obstacles.

Having hope begins the journey for me to achieve all my dreams. I always believe that every cloud has its silver lining. All the difficult and tough times that I faced right now will be ended soon. And all my hope will be succeed. I hope..

Rindu

Semacam dah tak boleh tahan lagi. Sangat merindui anak-anak sedara. Semua!!Fatihah, Aliah, Iman, Farisya, Danish, Dania, Najwa, Saifullah, Saifuddin, Khadijah, Qistina and Sufi. Ya ampun...Cikma rindu sangat dekat kamu semua. They are all like my friends bila dekat rumah. Melihat telatah masing-masing memang mencuit hati. Dahla kamu semua sangat comel dan adorable, tahu? Bila nak jumpa ni...Cikma takde cuti la sayang. Hopefully kakak,oya,farisya,wawa, iman, bang bok and danish..rajin-rajin pergi sekolah..Nanti teacher marah..Macam mana la Farisya..how's her life at new school?Haih~Semua skali..Cikma rindu sangat nih..Aduh..bila la Cikma dapat balik...

Book Talking

I have a list of books that I'm going to purchase. Erm.....it's not consider as wasting money isn't it?
Okay..here is the list:

♥A collection of all 4 novels from Mitch Albom:
-Have A Little Faith
-Tuesdays With Morrrie (I already had this one but one of my friends borrowed it and she hasn't return it yet)
-For One More Day (Already read this also..but need it for my collection..I love Mitch Albom)
-The Five People You Meet In Heaven
♥A Book of Tomorrow by Cecelia Ahern.

Have to buy it..HAVE TO. *Cepatlah balik rumah..tak tau nak beli buku ni kat celah mana di Terengganu ni..*

A Secretary Memory

Well I did tell you guys on my last post that I have to calm down a little bit, isn't it? So I decided to..you know browsed the Internet like always. Suddenly I stopped at this page. It's a quiz on which type of memory that I have. So I answered all the questions and the result was I have a Type A memory. What is all about Type A memory? Here are some description of my result.

Type A - Secretary Memory

You have no doubt an excellent memory. Having a Secretary's type of memory means that you're probably a walking organiser / notebook yourself. You remember the big and important things, and wonderfully, the small and minor details as well. It's like you can be trusted and dependable on, cuz I guess you're seldom forgetful, which may lead to troubles. But I worry for your brain, seriously... If you ever felt that your brain is getting too hot a little, I suggest it's time to relax a bit, and just try, try, try your best to stop remembering all the minor stuff! You're the kind of person who looks at the whole picture, and give comments from the important to the little things. It's good so that if you're planning for a event, your team can rest assured that things are well-planned and see through with you around.

Well I have to admit that the answer is accurate. Yes...I admit that I'm not in that hardworking group and study for almost all the time. I depended on the lecturer in my class for almost about 70%. That's one thing that I...sort of like regret it now. I could perform very well if I study hard. And yes. I do have my notebook/ organizer for almost all the time. I even tick my period cycle in my organizer. And yes! I do remember every single things- big and small- that happened in my life. But I cannot write everything in my blog as I've been watching by certain people now. Really have to be careful on every single words I write. Yes..I'm seldom forgetful..but when I start to forget about something...I tend to not remember what I forgot about at all...and eventually leads me to troubles. And yes, I love to remember all the minor stuffs and yet...I still keep thinking about it all the time. Guess what...it gives me headache. Really a headache. Migraine, specifically. Erm...need to go to bed now. Till then. Assalamualaikum.

Well........

I don't have too much time in my hands lately. So, after a heated discussion with my supervisor, I realized that I'm being too negative with all this practical stuffs and I'm over thinking a lot of situations I'm in at the moment. Life is hard for almost everyone lately. I just really wish Zaffan was here with me to help me through all this. I decided today that I need to calm down for a while before my hectic life starts next week. And I decided to learn and improve my English by myself. There's a lot to be improved in my skills, especially my speaking and writing. I need to read, read and read..and also to collect as much teaching aid as I could..but in this recession time??? How could I?
This time I've just been taking what I have left and with all the knowledge that I obtained...I'll try my best to piece it all together....in essential I'm actually TEACHING....go girl!

I gotta think about this one!

Selamat petang semua. Hari ni class agak packed. Got maths class kat sebelah petang. Nasib baik lecturer tu best dan tidak membosankan. Kalau tak, confirm dah bawak laptop and berinternet for the whole class.
Oh, ya! Kamu semua pernah simpan impian tak? Apa-apa impian la. What about dream marriage proposal. Pernah ada tak? Well I do have my dream marriage proposal in my mind since I was 15. It's started when I saw this thing....

Yes. Hot air balloon. Akma memang teringin nak naik this balloon. Sangat. And hoping that someday my dream guy will propose me on one of these hot air balloons. Romantic bukan? Erm...agak-agak boleh jadi kenyataan ke? What about you? What's your dream marriage proposal?

Quickie

I have about....30 minutes before class. Tired. Restless. Sleepy- complete package. Oh, not to forget...STARVING. Have to cut down budget seems I will be paid only by the end of this month, not early of the month anymore. Haih~ I have to save every little pennies I have inside my wallet and my coin purse.. God please...I need miracle right now.....

Berfikir sekejap

Everybody is busy spending their time in front of the television right now- watching 24th AJL. I'm not that so interested with this kind of stuff, actually. I just stay in my room, searching the Internet like always. By the way, I can hear the t.v. from my room so I don't have to be in front of the t.v.

Early in this morning, during my English lecture, the lecturer asked a question. A question that makes me keep on thinking every now and then. She asked the question generally to everyone in the class. The question goes like this:

My lecturer: Do you know yourself? Do you THINK that you know yourself? ( She asked that question to my class)
Me: Gulp.....*Speechless*

I never asked such question to myself before. You see..we have to know ourselves first then only other people will know us. Do I really want to become a teacher? Yes of course!! But what was my nawaitu (intention) at the first place when I decided to become a teacher? I shouldn't be a cynic. Never ever again!I should be more sincere. SINCERE! Never thought that it's not easy to become a teacher. Phew~Always have to remember that "Tatasusila Profession Keguruan". ALWAYS!

What about you? Do you know yourself?

Alhamdulillah

I went out with some of friends just now. We went to the beach and had a chat- well sort of about everything. On my way back, I couldn't help myself to stop thinking about someone. Someone that changed my life a lot. Someone that always be there for me no matter what. Someone that always stay together with me no matter what. Someone that always believe in me when other people don't. Someone that loves me for who I am. Someone that always be there to hold my hands, telling me not to be worried when other people were laughing on me.

I'm so grateful, thankful to my creator. For sending him to me. Alhamdulillah, syukur. Thank god I found you.

no more "S"

I bet it's not too late for me to have a new resolution for this new year. I know it's hard for me to do this but I have to try it as best as I can. I have to stop buying things that are not necessary for me. I should stop listen to that small voice inside me telling to buy this and that. I need money for more important things. I want to start saving for my future- frankly, to tie the knot. Mom said if we have intention to do something good, with god willing, we will achieve what we want. Wee~

But it's not easy...it's sooooooo difficult!! Shopping is my therapy and shopping is every girl's bestfriend. Now I know how drug addicts feel when they're craving for something which they don't afford to buy it cause they don't have any MONEY. It seems like I have hit the rock-bottom. Now I have to manage my finance carefully and I cannot keep too much cash in my hand. You know why? Because if they're in my hands, they will just disappear within seconds.

Must not go out. Must stop spending money unnecessarily. Stop online shopping. Stop listen to that voice. Start saving. Stop SHOPPING.....Start THINKING.Must not go out. Must not go out. Saving. Saving. Saving. Urghhhh...I really need a professional help here!

So Sweet

Ever heard of a song which the first line goes like this..."Somewhere over the rainbow...lalalala..." I'm sure most of you knew that song very well. It's one of my favourite song- instead of My Way by Frank Sinatra. I love this song so much. Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Doris Day. She's amazing. So pretty with that mesmerizing smile. I adore her a lot. Somewhere Over the Rainbow just for you and me.

Doris Day..Isn't she's pretty?

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

Wiping it off.

It is no secret that I am a giver for those who really know who I am. I will give my last piece of note in my wallet or I will give the shirt off my back just to help a friend. It is also no secret that there are frequently people in my life that take advantage of that. My boify says this is my biggest fault. In the midst of this what I called "transformation" chaos - there are things that have become painfully obvious to me with regard to some relationships or friendships that I have.

This "transformation" has handed me an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and begin anew. I am relocating out of my current circle of certain people. I will be living JUST OUTSIDE of that area of convenience and underestimate. I am actually going to start making put forth a bit of effort in our relationships with those who must not be named. I feel that I deserve that much.

I don't deserve to be someone's after thought and I think that I am done with feeling like I am. Feeling better with this what I called transformation. Like what he said to me "Things are going to be just fine. We'll get through this together." I'm wiping it off. No worries.

Counting My Blessing..

Rain was pouring outside when I opened my eyes this morning. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. Knowing the fact that I have no class today, I closed my eyes back. Arghh...I should wake up the moment I opened my eyes. But I was so lazy. Sometimes overslept gives me happiness. Oppsss!!! My word!! Did I just say that?? Well not always..It's just SOMETIMES.

For me, happiness is something I decide ahead of time. Whether I want to get out from my bed or not, doesn't depend on how the weather is predicted, it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice- I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulties that I will face for today which will bring me to nowhere, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away, just for this time in my life.

I realized that I'm getting older as year goes by. But that doesn't make me worry at all because old age is like a bank account. I'll withdraw from what I've put in. So I should deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories. And thanks to you, especially him, for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing. I just have to remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free my heart from hatred
2. Free my mind from worries
3. Live simple
4. Give more
5. Expect less

I'm counting my blessing now because for me each day is a gift. Till then.
Assalamualaikum.

Attitude

Wow!Couldn't believe that this is my 4th entry for today. Aik? Sungguh rajin Cikmai hari ni. Pat on my shoulder. Wee~

Okay..okay..let's get back to our business. What I'm going to share tonight is about attitude. I could consider attitude is something subjective. The longer I live, the more I realized the impact of attitude in my life. It really did give huge impact in my life. I bet you guys also realized that,didn't you? Well...Attitude to me, is something more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, say, or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will cause me to break relationship or friendship. The remarkable thing is I have a choice everyday regarding the attitude I will embrace for that day.

As we all know, I cannot change my past. I cannot change the fact that people will act in certain way. And of course, I cannot change the inevitable. The only thing I can do is play on the one string I have, and that is my attitude. Yup. Not his, not hers, not yours..but MY ATTITUDE. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you, isn't it? We are in charge of our attitudes. The power to change my attitudes is inside me- it's myself. Not you, not him, not her, but me. I'm trying so hard now to make those changes and I bet I'm a whole lot better person now. What about you? It's time to change. Till then.
Assalamualaikum.

I miss Lulu

I love The Little Lulu Show. I don't know whether you guys remember or not. But it's my favourite childhood show. I browsed through Youtube to watch this show. Oh...it brings back memories.I love this show so much.

Little Lulu, Little Lulu, with freckles on her chin,
Always in and out of trouble, but mostly always in,
Using Daddy's necktie for the tail on your kite,
Using Mommy's lipstick for the letter you write..............

Love this show so much!!!

Worries

Assalamualaikum. I had just met my parents. We went out for lunch then they have to hurry to fetch my little bro and go back to Melaka. Thinking that it might burden my parents to stay longer with me, so I've to sacrifice and let them go early. Seeing my parents is the most happiest moment I could ever had. The smile on their faces bring me sunshine and give me spirits. That's why I love them so much. But I couldn't stay that way longer than I should. Now worries came again, messing up my mind. I know that I couldn't let this keep on controlling myself. So I try to be optimistic and I did talk to other people about this worries, sharing so that I could feel much better. Whenever I'm alone, especially before I went to bed, I keep on motivate myself by reading motivational true story. And I think you guys are right. There's nothing to be worried.

You see...actually there are two days in every week about which I should not worry. Two days I should be kept free from fear and apprehension. One of these days is Yesterday with all its mistakes and cares, faults and blunders, pains and aches. You know why? Because yesterday had passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. I know that I can't undo every single act that I performed, I can't erase every single word I said or wrote in my blog. Because yesterday is gone forever. But all I could do is apologize. I will change to be a better person, to be your favourite one. I promise.

The other day I should not worry about is Tomorrow with all it's possibilities adversities, its burden, its large promise and its poor performance. You know why? Because tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. For me, tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise. Until it does, I have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet to be born.
Therefore, this leaves only one day, which is Today. Any person can fight the battle of just one day. It is when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities, yesterday and tomorrow that we break down.

Therefore I think, it is not the experience of today that drives a person mad. It is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow will bring. Let me, therefore, live but one day at a time. Instead of feeling worried, I should be glad of my life because it gives me the chance to love, to work, to play and to look up the stars..and of course,to dream. Worries....go away because I don't need you anymore. Just go. Shooooohhhhh!!!!

Yay!!

Assalamualaikum.
Good morning everyone!! Let's start our day with cheerful smile and happiness. Why? Because mak and abah are coming to visit me today. Yay!!!! I miss them so much. I just can't wait to finish my class today. Okey then, better get ready for my class.
Hug and kisses!

Phew~

After I browsed through hundreds of templates, I'd picked this one. Tired of choosing, I just grabbed this.
Feel like to vomit.
At last...Phew~
Till then. Good night, everyone!

This and That

Sudah 4 hari semester baru bermula. Semua orang semacam masih dalam swing mood. Me too. Percutian yang agak panjang memang memberi kesan yang sangat mendalam. Wah~bunyi macam mahu holidays lagi. I wish I could. Tapi tak bolehlah bukan. Hari ni sangat telah membuang masa dan tenaga untuk bersiap-siap ke class tapi at the end lecturer tak de. Struggle datang awal sebab class Ilmu Pendidikan combine dengan Unit Pemulihan. Jadi class semacam packed jugak. Maka kerusi dan meja tak cukup. Kenalah datang awal untuk pinjam kerusi and meja dari class sebelah. Dah berpeluh-peluh angkat meja and kerusi and dah sejam tunggu lecturer...suddenly..Class dismiss. Lecturer tak de. Sangat membuang masa lah bukan? Haih~
Oh ya! Sekarang ni saya sedang menghitung hari untuk ke Sekolah Kebangsaan Bukit Wan. Tak tahulah dicelah mana sekolah tersebut. Weekend ni baru nak pergi tengok sekolah tersebut. Dengan harapan sekolah tersebut tidaklah jauh sangat dari rumah sewa. Oh ya! Saya juga dah patut mempelajari dialek Terengganu untuk memudahkan my communication with students and their parents,kan? Dah, dah! Jangan terlalu risau. Nanti bertambah pening kepala.

Sekarang ni sana sini bercakap pasal relationship- engagement and marriage. I browsed through Facebook, most of my friends had changed their relationship status. From in a relationship to engaged or married to...Dah macam semua berlumba-lumba mahu kahwin. Apakah? Sekarang ni sudah tiba musim mengawan kah?

Oh ya. Bercakap tentang musim mengawan, tadi balik sekolah ada sebiji lagi telur ayam kat depan rumah. Masuk telur yang tadi tu dah 5 biji dah telur ayam ada kat rumah ni. Pelik. Yang jadi pelik is boleh pulak ayam tu alihkan telur dia kat atas tembok yang tinggi. And sebelum balik rumah tadi, singgah beli lunch kat warung tu. On the way back ke kereta ada ayam tengah megeram (betulke ejaan ni?) telur. Wah..ayam pun sangat productive. Sana sini bertelur. Senanglah bukan? Tak payahla ke kedai untuk beli telur. Tak sabar nak tunggu telur tu menetas. Nanti mesti cute anak-anak ayam tu kan?

Okaylah. Mahu mandi. Catch you guys later. Till then.

Wednesday

There are 3 times when you almost always miss people a lot.

1. When you are sick
2. When it's raining
3. When you are having so much problem and you're in a mess

Well..it's now raining season in Terengganu, and I'm not feeling very well. Feeling dizzy and having running nose for almost all the time. And I have lot of things to think of at the moment- work, practical, exams (well, I have 3 months only to study), the upcoming posting (I just hope for mercy), family matters, relationship matters..you get the whole picture, don't you?

Sometimes I carry these whole things in my head and it's creepy when I get visions in form of dream when I'm trying to sleep them off. It's scary.

I could say that I'm almost in a mess even the new semester had just began. So many things to be worried of. SO MANY THINGS!

I know I just had a long holidays but...I need holidays badly. I want to see him, her, everyone that could cheer me up.

Have class now. Catch you guys later. Till then. Assalamualaikum.

I'm wondering.....

how our country will going to be in the future. Will peace, happiness and harmony exist in the future? I read news via Internet everyday and i feel so sympathy yet, at the same time sad and afraid. Sympathy to some people who tend to do anything just to have name and to be popular, also using dirty tricks just to earn money easily. Sad when there are innocent people had to suffer and afraid that..who knows...war might happened once again. You see....people nowadays choose to fight for their so-called right to lead the country. The question is...are they really qualified enough? Or they just inherit it from their ancestor?
As the future leader, we have to be really alert so that the mistakes made by our leader now won't be repeat again and again until it will become a tradition. Well...if you ask me what are the keys to maintain peace in our country, my answer would be easy..UNITY and INTEGRATION.
As we all know, Malaysia is a country of rich cultural heritage with different colours, religions, languages and way of life. However, there is always unity in diversity. We have fought unitedly against British rule under the leadership of Tuanku Abdul Rahman. Our spirit of unity got us independence. The same spirit needed for the continuous growth and welfare of the nation. Only when there is peace, we can develop into great nation. Therefore, unity and national integration are essential forever.
It's well known that Malaysia comprises people belonging to different beliefs, races, religions and languages. Unless a cultural integration among these different sections of people takes place, unless every Malaysian considers himself a Malaysian first, the integration of Malaysia is incomplete. But what makes me so worried now is that, from time to time unity seems fading away. People are becoming more greedy and greedy every each day. They do whatever they like as long as they get what they want. They don't even care people around them. They becoming so selfish.
However, there is always a solution to any problem. I could say that campaign like 1Malaysia is really working. Thanks to our beloved Prime Minister, for launching such a brilliant campaign. Thanks to media also for the advertisements that really rise up our spirits of unity. May this unity and integration of our nation last forever and ever. Remember that we have to live together, and perhaps die together. Don't ever fight for silly reasons and make mountains out of mole holes. Because we are one Malaysia!
Till then. Assalamualaikum and Salam 1Malaysia.

I just don't understand.........

when other people or should I say stranger simply judge other people by their character. And I just don't really understand when some of them could simply judge me by my writing, my thoughts- my blog. I never thought that there are certain people making some pathetic and so-not-true judgements on me now after reading some of my entries. Well I just write about myself, my feelings, my point of view and sharing my treasures to all of you. I'm not like some other blogger who loves to gossip other people, badmouthing about others or whatever..I just wrote all about me. For me, I have the right to write whatever I want as I know my limit. Unfortunately, there are some people thought that I'm a type of girl that is highly think of myself. Did I make any mistakes to you? Is it wrong to let out what I feel in typable way?And whatever I wrote is none of your business. Sorry to be rude but you can choose not to read or follow me on my blog if you don't like it.

I know that everybody has problem. After all, life isn't a life without problem or trouble. I admit that I'm so emotional when sharing feelings. You know why? Because I'm facing what I've called a full-package of complete life problem. What makes it complete is because I'm not a person who is always be surrounded by good luck. Sometimes people who really don't know me will definitely jump into so many conclusions but I don't care. It's just a small matter for me. At least there are people who believe in me. There are always people who know me and love me for who I am. But thanks. I'll take it positively. Those things will improve me to be a better person, anyway.

*It seems like my blog is so controversial..Should I just stop blogging?*

The Beginning

Morning readers! Well the first entry for this year. Yay!!! I guess there are less stories in Chapter 1 of my Book of Opportunity...topic is about New Year's Day. Not much to say as I never celebrated New Year's Eve eversince I was born. Never ever went out chilling with friends, celebrated new year till morning..nope! Never. But last night I celebrated it alone with something that really hurt me..Let's not talk about it. It's so painful.

Move to my 2nd chapter of the Book. I called it as "The Beginning". The beginning of everything. For those who doesn't know, I'm recuperating but the pain is still here. I could feel that it won't be easy as I thought. Well...have to pack my stuffs. I'll post another entry later, as soon as I reached Terengganu. Till then. Assalamualaikum.