I'm Back!

Hi everybody! I'm back! My location now is at UKM. I'm waiting for my sis to finish her briefing. I'm on the phone now so I couldn't write any longer. I'll continue later. I promise cause I have lots of thing to share with you! Till then.

Quickie

Semalam my niece tanya something yang buat saya rasa "Erk??!!".One of her friends asked subject ape yang saya nak ajar untuk class tuition nanti. That's why saya hanya mampu jawab "Erk??!!". Entah zaman bila saya ada cakap saya nak buat class tuition ni. Pandai-pandai je my niece mengiklankan dekat sekolah. Tapi benda tu buat saya terfikir untuk mencari duit lebih. Saya terfikir apa kata saya buat class masakan every weekend? But ade ke orang yang nak belajar masak sekarang ni? Orang lagi prefer makan di luar or just hire a maid. Bagi saya adalah penting untuk kita tahu dan pandai memasak sebab itu menjadi salah satu syarat yang penting untuk bergelar seorang isteri. Bak kata pepatah, kalau nak pikat hati suami, kenalah pikat perut dia dahulu. Tapi masih adakah orang yang berfikiran macam saya?Entahlah. Saya pun tak tahu.

Anyways, I'm going back to Melaka today. I have to pack my baju-baju and have to be well prepared before start working this coming Wednesday. So I have only like 4 days to rest. Haih~

I will not be able for 4 days,maybe... But don't worry I will post an entry as soon when I come back.

Happy Birthday

Pejam celik pejam celik dah 23 dah umur saya. Sungguh tak sedar rasanya baru semalam saya masuk secondary school,ambil SPM, masuk university..Sedar-sedar dah tua dah saya. Firstly thanks everyone for your wish! My family, Mr. Z, Elsa, Anez, Dilla, Ben, Mayo, Joe, Kishi, Nurin, Liza, Ainul, Khalida, Amad, Farini, Peah dan ramai lagi. Sorry if tak mention your name sebab ramai sangat! Secondly thanks to my beloved sis sebab belanja saya makan steamboat semalam. Kenapa semalam? Sebab dia tahu hari ni saya nak puasa because today is first of Rejab. So sy puasa. Berbalik pada cerita steamboat, Yes! Saya makan dengan sangat banyaknya! Err..betulkah itu saya? Bukankah saya sedang mahu mengurangkan berat badan? Tapi sebab semalam saya happy, saya melantak sampai perut saya overload. Thanks Along. Next time boleh belanja lagi. By the way, nak share gambar semalam.

Sebelum....


Selepas....

Sangat kenyang! Oh ya! Baru saya teringat. Hari ini keluar Transformers 2. Nak menonton cerita tersebut la. Teringat pulak back in 2 years my friends belanja saya tengok Transformers dekat I-Max for my birthday. Huhu..Till then~

Donuts! Donuts!

Sangat lama rasanya tak makan donut. Tetiba semacam mengidam. So went through big apple's website. Mencuci mata dengan donuts yang sangat yummy! Padahal Jusco tak lah jauh pun dari rumah. Malas je nak keluar. Dapat cuci mata pun jadilah. Jom cuci mata bersama.

Sedapnya! Dah dah. Saya nak pergi prepare for lunch. Till then~

WISHLIST

Hanya tinggal sehari sahaja before tomorrow. Ada apa dengan tomorrow? Yezza. Esok ialah hari yang saya tunggu-tunggu setiap tahun. Bukannya apa, I'm just grateful sebab saya sudah 23 tahun hidup dan masih lagi dapat meneruskan kehidupan even though kehidupan saya tidaklah menarik seperti orang lain. But still, it's my life! Setiap kali birthday, macam biasalah. I'll make a wishlist fo me. Tapi tahun ni saya tak rasa macam nak share with everyone else. Tapi one of the wishlist dah pun saya dapat which is a pair of new earing. Actually saya pun pening memikirkan tentang wishlist sebab saya semacam dah dapat apa yang saya nak. Baju raya for this year pun sudah ada 3 pasang. Perfume baru pun dah ada. Kasut pun dah menimbun. Wallet pun dah ada lebih dari satu. Handbag pun dah ada lebih dari cukup. Hmm...so this year saya just wish for something that will make my life much more better. But what is it? Let it be a secret.
Oh ya! Saya nak share something dengan kamu semua. Pagi tadi saya bangun tidur then tengok dekat luar,lantai dekat porch basah which means hujan tapi saya tak sedar sebab after buat breakfast and solat subuh, saya tertidur balik. Maybe masa saya tidur kot hujan. Then saya tengok dekat laman rumput. Wah..sangat cantik! Penuh dengan cendawan yang tumbuh lepas hujan. Cantik tau. Kalau tengok dari atas macam rumput with white polka dots. Cantik. Serious!

Sebenarnya sangat banyak lagi cendawan. Tapi laman tu besar sangat and saya just ambil gambar pakai handphone camera only. So tak dapat ambil gambar yang cantik lagi sharp. Anyways, i love it. I'm imaging myself being as tiny as I could like Alice in her adventure in Wonderland. Why? So that I could build my home from mushroom. Sangat comelkan? Mushroom jadi rumah kita with a tiny window and chimney. But I just wish I could. Or maybe I should put that in my birthday wishlist..Sudah gilakah saya ini? Terlebih berfantasilah!Well...Saya memang begitulah! Till then.

Yummy!!

I woke up this morning dengan perut yang sangat lapar. Maklumlah last night tak makan nasi pun. So pagi tadi buat French Omelet tapi version saya. Saya jumpa resepi ni masa saya part two dalam one of the cooking book yang saya baca. Jadi resepi ingat-ingat lupa sebab just go through and tak salin. Lagipun dah lama tak buat. So saya modified jadi Malay version French recipe. This meal sangat sesuai for those yang lapar tapi tak nak makan heavy meal macm nasi lemak or lontong or whatever. Sangat kenyang makan omelet ni sebab dalam omelet ni ade daging and kentang yang dah disaute bersama garlic, onion and black pepper dan dimakan bersama mayonnaise and sauce. Ditambah pula segelas orange juice. Sedap! You guys should try this.

What do you think? Want the recipe? Just ask me! Till then.

Happy Father's Day

To my dad,

Sorry for not being a good daughter like you expect me to. I knew I'm the black sheep of the family. However, you're the best dad I'd ever have in my entire life. I'm sorry because I was not there by your side on father's day. But I made something for you. I did it by myself. This is just for you, Abah. I love you with all my heart and soul. Now and forever. Thank you for being the best dad ever!

BF or BFF?

For some people, it's so hard to make a decision on what should go first. BF or BFF? Well for most girls, who are so deeply in love, will definitely choose their BF,right? But I'm sure there are some of the girls out there will put their BFF first instead of their BF. Pening? Actually it's all depend on your own. You have the right to choose what is more important in your life. I don't even care because I do have my own choice too. Everybody does, right? I'm fine. I really am. It just that...what makes me so heart-broken was you should tell me earlier. You don't have to wait for me to call you. And you don't have to be afraid to tell me cause we've been friends for ages and you know me. I'm not a bad-tempered person. You knew that, right?Anyways, let bygone be bygone. I'd already forget about it. Don't worry! Let's just forgive and forget.
Till then.

Thank You!

Sekarang saya sedang menghitung hari. Hari apakah? Semestinya hari lahir saya yang ke-23! Tak sangka saya sudah semakin meningkat dewasa a.k.a. dah tua. Huhu~ Teringat kembali sambutan hari lahir saya yang lepas-lepas. Well to be honest, saya adalah type yang jarang celebrate birthday saya. Selama hampir 23 saya hidup, boleh dikira dengan jari berapa kali saya celebrate my birthday. What I mean by celebrate is that sambutan yang meriah siap dengan party and cake, presents yang sangat banyak and so on. Bercakap tentang cake, saya juga jarang makan birthday cake yang dihadiahkan dari orang lain. Bukan tak pernah langsung tapi jarang la. Dan jarang juga orang buat surprise party untuk saya except time di SAMURA dulu.
However, I have my own way on how to celebrate my birthday. Biasanya setiap kali birthday, saya akan beli sesuatu untuk diri saya sebagai hadiah. This year, kalau ada budget yang lebih, saya nak belikan diri saya seutas jam tangan. Now tengah survey jam. Kalau boleh nak beli Swatch, Esprit, Elle, Paris Hilton or Fossil. Mengapakah jam tangan? Sebab saya dah hampir 6 tahun tak beli jam tangan. Jam tangan Elle dan BUM saya ni masih lagi okay. Tapi dah lama sangat kan saya tak beli jam? Well kalau budget tak cukup, saya akan belikan diri saya seekor ikan emas untuk menggantikan Nemo yang dah mati. Saya dah pun memilih nama untuk ikan saya. I will name it "Hubert". Comel bukan? Sangat sesuai untuk seekor ikan emas. Tapikan saya tak suka kalau orang lain hadiahkan saya ikan as a pet or anything as a pet. Ask me why? Sebab what if pet tu mati, akan nampak lebih tragic. Mesti orang yang hadiahkan kat saya fikir saya ni tak pandai jaga ikan tu. Padahal setiap benda hidup pasti akan mati jugak. So lagi better kalau saya sendiri yang beli. Lagipun saya boleh pilih mana yang saya suka.
Well bercakap tentang hadiah, saya dah pun dapat satu birthday present from my parents. It's a pair of heart-shaped gold with white gold plated earring. Earring memang termasuk dalam senarai birthday wishlist saya yang akan saya keluarkakan tak lama lagi. So lovely! Saya sangat suka! Hadiah yang kedua mahal saya pernah dapat. Of course hadiah yang paling mahal is kasih sayang dari orang-orang yang saya sayang! Betul tak? Well berbalik ke hadiah saya tadi. Saya tak sempat ambil gambar sebab saya terus je pakai. Anyways, thanks to mom and dad for this lovely gift! I love you,mom and dad. And to my beloved daddy, Happy Father's day! Thank you once again.
Till then, assalamualaikum.

I'll Try

Remember I told you guys about my beloved boify?How much he cares about me? Well although he kinda respect my desire to be skinny as I could, but I know deep down he doesn't want me to be that way. He respects me because he wants me to be happy. Today he asked me whether I'm serious to practice "Ed" or not and I said yes. I keep on thinking about what I'd said to him but now I'm in doubt. I really want to be his wife in the future. But why I want to go back to my past? I love him. And I really do. I also have to respect and appreciate him like he does. Well on the other side, I just started to go back with "Ed". Baru sahaja nak berbaik semula and start back our relationship like before. But then, wajah my boify terbayang-bayang difikiran saya. Now I realized I love my boify more than I love "Ed". I shouldn't go back to my past.

To my boify: I'll try my best to avoid myself with "Ed" but it'll take some times. Sekarang ni pun saya tak boleh nak makan banyak cause I will surely puke. But I'll try my dear. I promise cause I want to be your wife in the future and I really love you.

Meal

I'd watched so many movies about eating disorder or ED before. How they struggle to lose their weight and I adore them. So...take a look at this picture below:

That is going to be my meal until I reach an ideal weight. A cream cracker that had been divided into 4 sections.

No. 1 is for my breakfast

No. 2 is for my lunch (that's why it's bigger than the others)

No. 3 is for my dinner

No. 4 is for my supper

Nice is it? I got this idea from one of the movie that I'd watched. I hope it's going to work. Or do you have any better diet than mine? If you do, just leave a comment. Till then~

I've Got It

I just go through some websites about being skinny. I'm so excited seeing the skinny women in those websites. They are all pretty I told ya! Furthermore I feel so relieve when I'm hungry. Weird huh? That's how I feel now. I'm now planning for my new diet. Still doing some researches on it. I want to lose my weight drastically and being skinny because now I'm a fatso! That will make me look much better and prettier. And that would be my dream. As my friend said I have to fight for my dream. So I will. I promise!

When I will become like this? I just can't wait for it!

END OF LIFE

Sometimes when you've failed to achieve your dreams even you had tried so hard, you will feel so heart broken and you want to end up your life as soon as you can. Well one of the easiest way is by suicide. Yes! Most people think that this is so stupid but do they really care and understand the feeling of the person who attempted it? Those people need a chance and hope so that their life would be much better. But how can other people help them?How?

Now I feel like I'm at the end of my life. I'd lost my motivation and spirit and I feel like my life is nothing but a junk. Should I just hold on and hope for better life in the future? Or should I just end up everything like other people did? Sometimes life is not as pretty as we thought. I'm hopeless and I don't think I can hold on anymore. I don't want to fight for my dreams anymore. I don't want to try anymore. That's it. I'm giving up my life. But which way should I choose? Bleeding, drowning, jumping, vehicular impact or poising myself?Or maybe I can burst myself in an explosion?Or maybe I should become an anorexic like I nearly did before? Skipping meals will make me so much better. This way I still can live my life happily. I just need to find back my anorexic friends. But I'd already deleted all of their numbers in my phone. Nevermind I just search it on the internet. Hmm...Why is it hard to make a decision?

I'd already closed all my network society, my facebook and my friendster. I will not answering and replying any sms or phone calls. I just need to be alone with myself for a while. But I will keep on updating my blog as I want to share every moments in my life with you until my last breath. Sorry everyone especially to you my dear Zaffan.

I just need to think carefully as it's about life and death.

Till then~

KAWAN

Kawan. Sangat sukar untuk ditafsirkan. Ianya satu word yang sangat subjektif bagi saya. Mangapakah? Kerana diri terasa belum berjumpa dengan kawan yang betul-betul always by my side like Fran and Niles dalam siri The Nanny. Like Lilly and Miley in Hannah Montana. Or like Priya and Jhanvi dalam movie Har Dil Jo Pyar Karega ataupun macam dalam cerita F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Saya masih lagi mencari kawan yang betul-betul percaya satu sama lain. Kawan yang betul-betul menghargai perasaan each other,kawan yang sentiasa be there when you really need them, kawan yang sincere, kawan yang sering berkongsi kegembiraan dan kesedihan together dan kawan yang betul-betul menyayangi satu sama lain, bukan sekadar sayang dibibir. Dimanakah saya perlu cari kawan yang seperti itu? Ataupun ianya akan akan datang secara sendiri? Saya pun musykil dan tidak tahu. Atau mungkin kawan-kawan yang saya ada sekarang ni busy dengan tugasan masing-masing?Huh~That's just a typical reason.
Disebabkan saya belum menjumpai insan yang bernama "Kawan" tersebut, saya hanya ada seorang sahaja dalam hidup saya that is my boify. He is my everything. My true friend, my best enemy (well sometimes), my love and my life. That's why saya telah dengan tidak sengajanya jadi overprotected towards him. I admit that I made a mistake but I just can't help it. Dan saya rasa dia tahu apa yang saya rasa.

Well because of that, saya lebih senang bersendirian. Lagipun saya ada si dia yang sentiasa memahami saya even dalam masalah kesihatan wanita. Yes. He is so understanding. Sometimes it's better for me to have no friends at all rather than you have one tapi hanya pada masa-masa yang gembira sahaja.

However last week saya baru terasa sangat happy. Kenapakah? Sebab saya berjumpa dengan teman-teman lama yang seriously telah buat saya happy. Adakah mereka insan yang saya cari selama ini walaupun sudah hampir 5 tahun terpisah? Atau mungkin saya terlalu excited sebab saya jarang hang out dengan kawan-kawan? Biar apa pun, last week saya memang super happy. Jumpa him, Kishi, Babu, Anuar with his partner, Wani, Azizol and Peah di wedding abg Wani. Huh? Bukankah saya cakap pada entry yang lepas wedding Wani? Bukan sebenarnya. Wedding her brother,Wani just bertunang. Tapi best la sebab dapat reunite dengan kawan-kawan lama. Pergi karaoke jamban, main pool, main bowling,jalan-jalan and so on. Happy bangat deh gue!

Saya, Peah, the pengantin, Kunk, Anuar, Babu and Kishi.

Seronok saya. Hmm..tapi saya masih lagi mencari "Kawan" yang seperti saya maksudkan. Oh ya! Disebabkan hidup saya yang lonely ni, saya telah dapat ilham mencipta satu motto hidup yang baru..saya rasa inilah yang paling tepat buat diri saya.

"A quiet stream of time completes my gracious and elegant metamorphosis"

Err..sesuai ke?Hanya saya saja yang tahu. Till then~