Worried

It's a beautiful Monday morning. I'm so damn happy today because it's holiday. Still yawning because last night tidak dapat tidur dengan nyenyak because I kept on having nightmares. Maybe bacause saya terlalu banyak berfikir or maybe bacause I was too tired. Last night me and the rest of my unit had a party celebrating Dila's birthday. It was so much fun though ada pencemaran bunyi di situ. Why? Kerana kedai makan tersebut terletak di hadapan airport.Haha.

Okay now terasa sedikit lega kerana sudah mendapat rumah sewa yang tidak jauh dari maktab and yang paling penting dah fully furnished. Dan yang lagi penting dari yang paling penting is the house ada gate. Yes! I was told by my other classmates last night that this area is so dangerous. It's a black area because di sini sangat banyak drug addict. Kecurian berlaku dengan sangat banyak. Tapi yang peliknya, mereka tak curi di rumah local tapi rumah student yang datang dari negeri lain. Orang local kat sini keluar rumah tak kunci pintu pun tak pe. Those addicts won't rob their houses because they knew that the local had nothing to be robbed. So now, even though rumah dah dapat, tapi security tu masih lagi membimbangkan saya walaupun I guess the house is quite okay. And we have to bring our lappy everywhere even when you want to go out for dinner. Do not ever leave your lappy at your house unattended. Nasib baik lappy saya kecil dan comel serta boleh di bawa dalam handbag sahaja. Now I just need to buy a bag pack so it's more secure.

Owh ya! Semalam mendapat lagi satu berita yang agak menyedihkan dari classmates yang first intake. Mereka diberitahu bahawasanya kami akan dihantar ke remote area oleh kerajaan by a helicopter. Dapatkan anda membayangkan kawasan yang saya akan pergi nanti? Dan dapatkah anda membayangkan bagaimana saya nak bawa semua barang saya nanti? Uwaaaaaaa...nangis~

Dan lagi satu kami yang perempuan dinasihatkan supaya memakai cincin dan mengaku sudah berkahwin kerana kawasan remote area sangat bahaya. Orang-orang di remote area kalau once dia dah suka kat kamu, dia akan guna-gunakan kamu dan kamu takkan balik lagi ke rumah kamu. Kamu hendak ke kahwin dengan mereka dan tinggal di situ forever dan tidak ingat akan keluarga kamu langsung? Saya tak nak. Seriously saya takut. saya tak kisah about the water and elctricity tapi saya takut this kind of thing sebab it happened before. Oklah nak pergi mandi. Aktiviti hari cuti hari ini ialah berjalan-jalan di sekitar Kuala Terengganu. Hopefully dapat jumpa Secret Recipe. Till then~

Sunday Class

I woke up this morning with laziness. Oh come on guys...It's Sunday! I usually sleep until 7 on Sunday. But now I have to wake up as early as 6 a.m. on Sunday because I have class. Here in Terengganu Sunday is a working while friday is like Sunday. I miss my leisure Sunday. Sunday is the day for me to spend with my family, friends and my love one. Tapi sekarang??Jadual sudah berubah. *Owh Akma...you have to get used to it la!!!!

Supposely today we have 4 classes; the tutorial with Mr. Tae, 2 English Classes and Ilmu Pendidikan (Education Knowledge). But then the lecturers were not coming, so I went back to my room and continue my beautiful sunny Sunday on my bed with my lappy. Yahoo!!

Talking about lappy, did I mention to you that I have a brand new lappy? Yes! Mak and abah bought it for me because they're excited as I get this KPLI offer. Mestilah happy kan bila anak dapat kerja di sektor kerajaan. Lagi-lagi disektor perguruan. Guru or cikgu or teacher or laoshi adalah satu profession yang sangat dihormati. Especially those who will be teaching in primary school as here where the education started. Maknanya macam sayalah. Huhu. Yes,I will be teaching the primary students only. And the most crucial part is I will be posted to rural area in Sabah and Sarawak. To be specific, the area which has no water and electricity supply and also no phone coverage. Menangis kah? Come on..let's look at the positive side. No water and electricity supply, no phone coverage. This is good because I can save a lot on bills, right? And I don't need to buy a car because I will go to school by boat. So in conclusion, duit gaji tak habis makanlah! Balik Semenanjung, boleh angkat Volkswagen New Beetle satu. Ataupun MyVi S.E. or Vios sudah mencukupi. Hehe.

For your info, I have to teach there for at least 5 or 3 years if I'm not mistaken before applying to be transfered to Semenanjung, unless I get married. Yela..bila sudah berkahwin kena ikut suami lah! My mom and my dad mencadangkan supaya saya bernikah dahulu dengan beliau sebelum saya di postingkan ke Sabah atau Sarawak. Maksud ayah saya ialah nikah gantung. Majlis-majlis belakang kira. Sebabnya abah saya cakap first, nanti senang nak mintak transfer so at least saya mengajar sana just setahun sahajalah. Secondly nanti bila jauh, mesti rindukan?So bila dah kahwin bolehlah melakukan aktiviti-aktiviti yang dapat mengubat kerinduan. Maklumlah dah halalkan. Sekaligus terhindar dari maksiat. Betul tak? Bila dah kahwin, apa jua jenis aktiviti boleh berjalan dengan lancar. Sporting habis my dad, bukan? huhu~

But the problem is bagi beliau masa belum sesuai lagi untuk berkahwin. Tapi dalam hati saya terfikir juga beliau ni tak risau ke saya merantau jauh-jauh? Bukan sahaja jauh malahan di dalam hutan terpencil. Bila difikirkan balik, kalau beliau amat menyayangi saya, mesti beliau akan setuju dengan cadangan my dad. Apapun, biar masa sahaja yang menentukan. Manalah tahu saya akan jadi seorang cikgu English yang tak kahwin kan? Mostly those yang mengajar English selalunya single-mingle kan? Oklah. mahu siapkan assignment. Till then.

No Title

As I was browsing through the folder in my handphone, I found the photo of my previous office. Really miss JASB. The working environment was so cozy and comfy. I love working there. Lagi-lagi dekat dengan PKNS Bangi yang banyak jual baju kurung kain cotton and then near to Ariani. Wee~ Really miss Bangi. This is the photo of my previous office.

This where I work before. Really miss this place. I'm waiting for holiday so that I could come and visit my previous office. Actually I'm now missing everyone and everything! Till then.

The New Beginning

This entry might be a little bit late since the first day I was here, but still I want to share it with all of you. Few days ago I was struggling to connect with the internet and to install YM. Alhamdulillah akhirnya today berjaya juga menginstall YM dengan jayanya. Okay..there are so many things to be shared. i don't know where to start with. Erm..let's start with the first day I came. The moment I arrived here at IPGM Dato' Razali Ismail I was kind of shock because most of the Muslims student, or lebih specific, the female Muslims students, wearing tudung labuh. Err..semacam di sekolah agama la pula. Di sini soooooo Islamic. Really. Last night I had a chat with junior, the KPLSPM students, they told me that here, talking with guys are considered as "berkhalwat". No wonder la yesterday when I was walking around the maktab looking for the wireless connection, dua orang pelajar lelaki tu semacam takut nak cakap dengan saya bila saya tanya dia "Excuse me, where can I online here?". Mereka like so takut nak cakap dengan saya. Semacam tak mahu melayan pertanyaan saya. I thought that orang Terengganu tak friendly. Now I'm so worry because my boify is going to come and visit me here. How are we going to go out for a date together? But in my unit, kami tiada masalah pergaulan pun. Maybe because we are old enough and some of them are married. Bercakap tentang umur, in my unit, sayalah yang paling muda sekali. Still single but not available. Being the youngest in the class is something quite a new thing for me. Yela before this most of my colleagues sebaya sahaja starting from primary school to university. I am so lucky because my classmates now are so kind and friendly. By the way, I'm taking major in English and minor in Maths and Kajian Tempatan. Tapi apart from that, there are so many other subjects that I have to take. Nasib baik tak lama di sini.

Selain di class, saya kini tinggal di hostel for temporary only. Only for a week and after that we have to find a house for rent. We??Yes..all the second intake students. So lepas ni I will stay at the rumah kampung la. Huu..Terengganu is so kampung you know. There is no F.O.S., no coffee bean, no cinema, no karaoke, no liz claiborne, no topshop, no miss selfridge, no nando's,no big apple,no crocs!! Nothing. Just a Mydin Mall and Giant. Waaaa!!!Where to shop??Where to indulge myself with luxurious dinner or shoes or dress when I'm down or stress. Dan one more thing,di sini mencari makanan adalah sangat sukar. Cafe di sini tidak seperti tempat lain. Jadi whether you want it or not, you have to go outside to buy food. So for those yang tak de transport have to walk for about 15 minutes to reach the stall. kadang-kadang bila dah sampai, kedai makan tu tutup or tiada food. Apakah perasaan anda?haih~

Public transport here is another problem. Another critical problem. Sangat susah nak dapat bus. Even dari sini ke Kuala Terengganu just around 30 minutes, tapi bus ada setiap 2 jam only. Taxi or cab memang tiada langsung. Hmm...I need a car!!!I need Blackie...Terasa sangat nak balik tapi saya baru sahaja menandatangani Agreement. So if I quit or tarik diri kena la bayar ganti rugi sebanyak RM80,000. That's a big amount of money. Boleh beli kereta tu. Tapi saya sangat minat teaching. How??

Anyways, no matter what happened, I have to get used to this new environment. This is just a new beginning. Till then.

Midnight Entry

Baru sahaja bergayut dengan si dia. Baru beberapa hari rasa macam dah bertahun. Rindu yang amat. Really miss him so damn much! Nak update panjang-panjang tapi terasa sangat letih. Letih bergayut dengan si dia di telephone. So many things untuk diceritakan dan dimengadukan. Maklumlah..He is my shoulder to cry on. Oklah. So many things to be shared. Rasa macam last night saya ada post an entry tapi bila tengok tak ada lah pulak. So esok sajalah saya ceritakan kepayahan saya disini.Tapi tak mengapa sebab selepas ini saya akan ke kawasan yang lebih dahsyat. Oklah. Mahu berambus sudah. Tomorrow sajalah saya post entry yang best. Till then.

Welcome to Terengganu

I'm already arrived at Terengganu. My location now is at Mydin Mall, waiting for my mom's cousin to fetch us because we are going to stay at her house tonight. So far Terengganu is well......what should I say..hmmm...okay...Melaka is a way better than Terengganu. Huhu~ I have no friends and I'm so lonely. Right now I'm already missing him so bad..damn!!Baru sehari di sini rasa macam nak menangis. Really miss him. I hope someday he'll come and visit me. I want to go home!!!!!Ok..got to go. Till then.

Feelings

Saya rasa semua orang dalam dunia ini have feelings. Tak kira tua atau muda, lelaki atau perempuan. Suddenly tonight saya rasa macam nak luahkan everything. Lagipun cerita ini cerita lama, so semacam sudah sampai masa nak share with all of you. Bukankah sharing is caring?

Apa yang saya nak ceritakan ni, it happened 6 or 7 years ago. Semasa saya di SAMURA. Well before saya masuk ke SAMURA, saya bersekolah di sekolah perempuan (girl's school). Maka, tersangat jarang bergaul dengan lelaki. In fact, jumpa lelaki pun tak melainkan cikgu-cikgu dan ustaz. Then when I was accepted to continue my study at SAMURA, saya agak kekok sebab dalam kelas ada lelaki. Dan saya jarang bergaul dengan lelaki sebab saya tak biasa. Saya dimasukkan ke kelas 4 Pintar, which mean bersebelah dengan kelas 4 Usaha. First time saya ke koperasi sekolah, saya ternampak seorang guy dari kelas sebelah. Dia duduk depan sekali. Bila nampak dia, my heart leapt. Rasa macam berdebar-debar. Well biasalah first crushed. Tapi saya tak bagitau sesiapa pun pasal feeling saya. Saya try cari nama dia and kebetulan, my room mates ada 2 org sekelas dengan dia. So it's easy for me to get his name. Well after a while memendam perasaan, suddenly one of my very good friends bagitahu yang dia suka that guy. I was like..OMG!! How could this happened? But then I just kept my feelings inside me. Saya tak boleh bermusuh dengan kawan just for a guy. Furthermore, perasaan kawan sendiri lagi penting dan perlu di jaga. Then bila di tingkatan 5, saya sekelas dengan that guy. Wah..can you guys imagine? Boleh tengok my crushed everyday membuatkan saya terasa sangat bahagia walaupun he's not mine. Dalam class saya memilih untuk duduk di barisan belakang sekali sebab senanglah nak sekodeng that guy. Wee~ But once again saya terpaksa memendam perasaan lagi-lagi saya menjadi orang tengah or sort of a postgirl between him and my friend. Tapi everytime saya postkan surat, saya tak pernah nak pandang muka dia. Semacam tak beranilah sebab nanti saya mesti jadi gelabah. Saya masih lagi memendam perasaan dengan harapan suatu hari nanti dia akan jadi milik saya. Tapi semacam jahatlah pula sebab suka dekat boyfriend orang. So saya hanya mampu berdoa hari-hari hoping that one day, he will be mine. Jadi saya try to hide my feelings and try to like somebody else and I did.  Sebab saya kerap ke koperasi, saya terjumpalah mamat ni. Dia bukanlah budak yang skema tapi a bit nakal. That's why saya semacam suka kat dia. Dengan bantuan kawan saya, saya dapat berkenalan dengan dia. Hati pun macam dah suka and after SPM, kami keluar sama. To be truth, tu la first time saya keluar dating, officially. Dia sangat caring dan baik tapi soal hati tak dapat nak ditipu. Our relationship tak lama. Erm..dipendekkan cerita, bila saya masuk UiTM, saya jumpa balik dengan my first crushed. Gosh! Masa tu saya baru balik dari class serving, saya terus ke practice untuk acoustic band. Mula-mula macam terkejut sebab ada penambahan member. Then saya lagi terkejut bila ahli baru tu si dia. Biasalah dengan make up and rambut bersanggul, dia macam tak kenal saya. Dia tak tegur saya pun. Saya yang tegur dia. Then after practice sama selalu, buat show together, hati saya semakin dup dap dup dap. Then one day, he asked me out and kami pergi tengok wayang and makan together. Time tu rasa nak pengsan and nak peluk-peluk je si dia. Tapi saya sembunyikan perasaan saya. Masa keluar sama tu, saya hanya mampu ketawa saja. huhu~ Well, even dalam hati saya rasa bersalah dengan kawan saya sebab saya tahu dia sangat sayangkan this guy. Tapi soal hati tak dapat nak tipu. First year of our relationship agak sukar jugak sebab saya selalu rasa diri saya ni perampas walaupun si dia selalu meyakinkan saya yang saya bukan perampas. Well Alhamdulillah, now saya dan kawan saya dah back to normal. Dan hubungan saya dengan si dia semakin erat. InsyaAllah kalau tiada aral melintang, kami akan kuatkan relation kami dengan ikatan yang sah. Penantian saya selama beberapa tahun berbaloi juga akhirnya. Sabar saya ada balasannya. My feelings for him dah jadi semakin stronger than before. There...terbongkar dah rahsia saya selama ni. Sorry my friend sebab simpan benda ni lama sangat. Till then.

Impian

Setelah sekian lama baru saya perasan yang wishlist ada lagi 7 yang belum tercapai. Sekarang ni Alhamdulillah saya dapat KPLI dan cita-cita saya ingin menjadi guru akhirnya tercapai. Now barulah saya rasa lega sebab dah dapat diserap masuk ke government. Bekerja dengan government ada banyak kelebihannya. Memandangkan bakal suami saya seorang staff di bahagian swasta, maka adalah lebih stabil kalau saya bekerja dengan government. Barulah balance. Lagipun banyak kelebihan kalau bekerja dengan government. Yang penting ada pencen. Huu~

Memandangkan saya sudah dapat pekerjaan yang kira stabil, InsyaAllah..my next aim is nak kumpul duit banyak-banyak sebab nak kahwin dengan si dia. Membeli-belah sudah sangat tidak penting bagi saya sekarang. Aik??Semacam peliklah ayat tersebut. Kenapakah?Sebab now saya lebih cenderung nak membina keluarga with him dalam jangka masa 2-3 tahun ni, InsyaAllah. Itulah impian saya sekarang. You guys have to pray for us. Amin. Till then, Assalamualaikum

Away

Just came back from dating with him. It was so great and I had a very good time with him. Thanks sayang for making me realized that I had found someone that really love me for the way I am. I love you so much. I knew that you had the same feeling towards me also. In fact yours is more than mine. Thanks baby....Thanks for the blouse. Really love it!!

However, I will be away to Terengganu this coming Wednesday. I just got a call from Kementerian Pelajaran Malaysia saying that I got the KPLI. My name didn't appear on the website. So it was sort of late and I have to pack within 2 days. I have to settle everything before Tuesday. Part of me was so excited..but part of me was not because I couldn't stand being away from him. I hope that he will wait for me cause I will. I'm sure I will be missing you so damn much baby.

By the way, my wishlist to become a teacher can be deleted. Till then~

So many things to do...........

Assalamualaikum. Sorry because lately I'm quite busy as I'd already started working. Since dekat office belum ada internet so saya tak dapatlah nak mengupdate blog. Sekarang ni pun saya sedang menyiapkan kerja. Sangat banyak kerja sebab ada submission of tender this coming Friday. So esok and lusa kenalah saya stay back kat office. Haih~

By the way, sakit kepala saya datang balik. Yang pelik kat sebelah kiri je.Saya dah rasa kat bahagian kiri kepala saya ada sort of ketulan yang dulu kecil tapi semalam saya rasa kind of dah besar sikit. Bila saya tekan, ianya sangat menyakitkan. Sampai berpeluh-peluh saya menahan sakit. Rasa macam nak muntah pun ada. Apakah itu? Saya amat takut. Dan saya juga amat takut nak pergi berjumpa dengan doktor. Owh, badan saya sangat melekit. I want to take a shower. Till then.

Invisible

I love him so much...

But why he keeps on treating me this way?

Am I have nothing to do in his life?

I wish I could turn back time..the time when he was so sweet and nice to me..

Not only in front of others but also in front of me...

I miss the moment when he wish me good morning and good night every single day...

I miss the moment when he asked me out for dates...and told me how pretty I am..

I miss his compliments........

Really miss those moments....

But why these 2 years really hurt me badly?

How much longer can I stand?

Should I find somebody else?

No I couldn't because it's not easy to find someone that we really love...

And to find someone that loves me the way I am...

Or maybe I had to accept that I was born as a giving machine that has no feeling at all?

I hope one day he'll realize that I LOVE HIM with all my heart and soul...

Please God help me..

Finally

I just came back from watching the Transformers 2. Finally!! I should watch this a week ago but no one asked me to watch it, including my boify. So I went alone. Well, the movie was damn awesome! But it will be much more awesome if I watched it with him. I was like crying when Optimus died. I could feel tears running on my cheek. Oh my god! It's so not like me. I'm not that easily-cried-type when watching a sad,touching movie or drama, even when I watched Stairways to Heaven, I didn't cry. I just being touched, but I'm not crying. But this time I was. I cried on a machine and robotic movie. It was damn sad. Optimus is my hero. He couldn't die. But luckily there's Sam Witwicky, the human hero. With his help, Optimus back to life. I want to watch this movie again but I have to wait for weekends because I'll be started working tomorrow. Sigh~
After having a lonely yet great time watching the movie, I went to Secret Recipe to celebrate my belated birthday, alone. I should do this with my boify but he seems so busy lately. He don't even have time to buy me a birthday card. In fact he seems has nothing for me on my birthday. It's okay. I still have myself. Sounds so pathetic,huh? Like the old pathetics Niles in The Nanny. I am. Well, I'm fine being alone. In fact, I'm used to it! But I hope I will not end up my life as a lonely, pathetic butler for the rest of my life. Err...butler??I'm not a butler. Let's change it to a secretary. That would be nicer. Well let's share some photos.

Happy belated birthday to me!!

The pathetic me celebrating my birthday on my own......

Reunion

Yezza! At last berjaya juga saya post this entry. Even dah macam a bit late tapi still nak post sebab malas nak simpan banyak drafts. Huhu. Ok let's go back to the topic. Last Sundays we (my boify and i) went for a picnic with Samurarians batch 20. I couldn't remember well that place. Rasanya Sg. Kemensah if I'm not mistaken. It's near to Zoo Negara. Overall, I was quite exhausted but it was fun. I had a great time with them!
I left my car at boify's house then waited for Kishi comel to come. Then gerak bersama by boify's car. Dah macam parents pulak kami. Parents yang ada seorang bayi yang comel dan sihat sebab Kishi tak boleh duduk diam. Tapi pelik la pulak kan sebab parents sangat kurus tapi anak sihat sangat. Haha. After that went to Kampung Melayu Subang to fetch Daong. Around 11.30 baru gerak ke venue. Fuh. Lambat jugak la sampai. But better late then never.
Ramai juga la yang datang walaupun tak semua sebab ada yang still di oversea dan ada yang sibuk dengan daily schedule. Tak sangka ada yang dah gemuk, ada yang dah slim and macam-macam lagilah! Then saya terus salin baju sebab tak tahan tengok air sungai yang mengalir. Semacam best kan. Mestilah teruja! Dapatlah juga saya bermandi-manda dengan Peah, Hannah and Didiey. Tapi air dia tersangatlah sejuk jadi saya tak tahan mandi lama-lama. Nanti takut kena asthma attack la pulak kan. Lepas mandi, kami makan. Siap ada barbeque lagi. Thanks to the organizer. It was so fun even though hujan. Anyways, let's see some of the photos taken.

Sila pilih pasangan masing-masing..

Thanks Paan for the very nice glasess..

Samurarians Batch 20. Anda masih boleh cam mereka ini??

Actually saya suka reunion Samura Batch 20. Sebab kalau ada reunion,boify saya mesti pergi jugak. Then saya mesti dapat jumpa boify saya. Errr....Why??Kamu rasa?Till then.

Konon-konon nak buat cover cd drama..Credits to Didiey for the pic!